Best Films I've Seen This Year

Ok, so I just completed my blog regarding the songs that drove me up the wall this year, let's try something new. This blog will present my five top films of 2011. Enjoy!

1. Captain America: The First Avenger

When I went to see this film I have to admit that I didn't expect to be blown away. But you know what? This film turned out to be pretty good. The special effects were pretty cool, had riveting action sequences and the fact that the man himself was a scrawny, sickly little kid transformed into a buffed, Nazi-slaying badass resonated for the geek within me. Hayley Atwell's cute-but-tough Peggy Carter and Tommy Lee Jones' prickly Colonel Chester Phillips are also stand-outs. Totally ejoyable.
My grade: B

2. Johnny English Reborn

This film received mixed reviews from critics, with some saying that Rowan Atkinson 'still had it' while others thought he is losing his touch. But in my opinion, this was one of the funniest films I've ever seen.
I'm a big Rowan Atkinson fan and I have to say, he still has it. The dialogue ranged from witty to straight-up ridiculous and the action was over-the-top and, at times, predictable but I still laughed myself silly. The opening sequence alone had me red in the face and by the end of the film I felt as though I had just completed 1,000 sit-ups. Absolutely hilarious!
My grade: B+

3. X-Men: First Class

I used to watch the X-Men cartoons as a kid but haven't seen a single one of the films. When this one came out I thought that I might as well see it since it's the prequel to the series and looked at the history between Charles Xavier and Magneto in that they started out as friends and eventually became enemies.
Well, what can I say? The special effects and the action had me on the edge of my seat and there were enough friendly and brotherly exchanges between Xavier and Magneto that made you wish they hadn't eventually turned against each other. And the scenes in which Xavier teaches his young mutants to learn to control their abilities are pure gold - as is a cameo appearance from Hugh Jackman.
My Grade: A

4. The Fighter

As a boxing fan, I was disappointed when I heard that this film based on former boxing champion Micky Ward's career excluded his three legendary fights with the late Arturo Gatti. Still, I thought it was a great movie. While Wahlberg does not look at all like the real Ward (who makes a cameo in the film), his acting was top-notch and the Academy Award wins for Christian Bale and Melissa Leo (Who played Ward's brother/trainer Dicky Eklund and Ward's Mother/manager Alice Ward, respectively and both of whom won best supporting actor/actress in this year's awards) were well-earned. The fight scenes were realistic compared to some other boxing films (where inhuman beatings, wild-exaggerated punches and unhealthy amounts of blood and aggression seem to be the norm) and the squabbles and banter within Micky's dysfunctional clan are hard-hitting yet strangely amusing at the same time. And if Amy Adams' intent in signing on to this film was to distance herself away from her character in 'Enchanted', all I have to say is mission accomplished.
At the risk of sounding clichéd I have to say that this film delivered a knockout blow.
My Grade: A+

5. Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

When I saw the preview for this film I thought to myself, 'I've got to see this one!' I walked out of the cinema thinking that it was the best film of the year. James Franco and Freida Pinto played their roles well but were completely overshadowed by Andy Serkis' compelling and touching performance as Caesar the Chimp. Also memorable was Tom Felton's portrayal of the sadistic animal caretaker at a primate shelter Caesar finds himself in.
There were some scenes that can bring a tear to the eye, and the film's climax not only leave you on the edge of your seat but will also have you, as a human being, cheering for the apes to win their battle against humans. There were also scenes that will make you laugh, particularly those with Caesar and his band of apes and I quite liked the way scenes in which Caesar was forming his army was shot with shades of 'Ocean's Eleven' and 'Prison Break' thrown into it. A powerful film with a strong message. Absolutely loved it.
My Grade: A+

Well, there you have it. These were the films that stood out for me in 2011. Let's see what the year 2012 will bring.

Songs that drove me crazy this year

Last year, I compiled a list of songs that, in my opinion, were either so bad or so overplayed that they became totally unbearable. I thought to myself that perhaps I should make this a yearly tradition. No disrespect to any hard-working musician out there but there are times when I switch on the radio and hear something that is much too galling for my palette. I might as well give you the reasons why I feel this way since not everyone has the same taste in music.

1. 'Firework' by Katy Perry

Katy Perry's songs are usually fun and catchy but this one, to me, is so irksome that whenever I hear it I want to jam my fingers into my ears and into my brain and just poke at it because I'm pretty sure it won't be as painful as listening to this tune. I know it came out late last year (October 2010) but it still got plenty of airplay this year so I might as well count it as a 2011 song. Plus, it missed the cut in last year's blog. And the guys at the NRL were considering on turning this into the theme song of the 2011 NRL Season? Oh, please! The only thing worse than corny sports highlights would be corny sports highlights with this turkey blaring in the background.

2. 'Party Rock Anthem' by LMFAO

No disrespect to these guys but what the hell were they thinking when they came up with their band name? Never mind, that's for another discussion. But I have to say, I've yet to hear a song of theirs that I could actually listen to in full without switching stations. Ok, maybe because I'm not a fan of dance music and therefore I cannot appreciate these guys, but all their songs sound the same to me - loud, voices that are probably autotuned and singing about the same thing over and over again. But then again, could I expect anything diffrerent from guys who call themselves 'LMFAO'? I chose 'Party Rock Anthem' to add to this list because it's really the only song of theirs that gets a lot of airplay and therefore one that I have to hear every time I switch on the radio.

3. 'Beautiful people' by Chris Brown and Benny Benassi

Look at the lyrics to this song and what do you see? The words 'beautiful', 'don't you know' and 'know' repeated over and over with several other words thrown in and accompanied by dreadful sounds and music in the background. While this song has a positive message, it's execution is nothing short of excruciating. Lame beats, annoying music and those REPETITIVE lyrics. Seriously, it makes singer Chris Brown sound as though he had only learned a certain number of words in his lifetime.

4. 'Price tag' by Jessie J

I don't actually hate this song. It's catchy, upbeat and has a powerful message. Unfortunately, it was sorely overplayed at its peak and so went from being a good song into an annoying one. It wouldn't have been strange to have it play on the radio twice in one hour and while I understand that it's what tends to happen to songs when they become hits, it also makes them mundane and unbearable. Sorry, Jessie.

5. 'Friday' by Rebecca Black

Does anyone remember that 'Crazy Frog Song' in 2005? It was exasperating and meaningless yet somehow it shot to number one in most music charts. At the same time, it was widely voted the worst song of 2005. 'Friday' by Becca Black is the same. It didn't exactly top the charts, but voting it as the worst song of the year was a no-brainer.
Where do you start in describing just how bad this song is? The beats and the music are lame, the lyrics are cheesy ('Partyin partyin, yeah! Partyin partyin, yeah! fun, fun, fun, fun', OUCH!!!!)and Black's auto-tuned voice makes you want to shove broken glass into your ears. Let's just say that when I sat down and listened to this song I switched it off at the first chorus.

Well, there you have it. Of course, I know some of you might read this and completely disagree but like I said, this is my opinion. Let's see what 2012 has to offer.....

Time To Harden Up, People!

This weekend I read an editorial piece in The Sunday Telegraph that sparked my interest. Written by Miranda Devine, it is titled 'A Generation Of Dopes'. It looks at the growing use of marijuana among young teenagers and the fact that children are growing up in a society that is starting to take this issue lightly. Her article stems from a news story in which three boys were expelled from a prestigious school for attempting to sell marijuana to their fellow classmates, as well as the recent story in which a 14-year old boy was arrested in Bali for marijuana possession.
Devine starts by noting that some counsellors and other figures of authority are too lenient on these boys, in that it is perfectly normal and harmless to experiment. What a joke. Such sentiments are irresponsible and blatantly permit young people to use drugs. Devine notes that while there will always be some people who experiment with drugs more work should be made towards minimising numbers rather than taking a lackadaisical approach. People can blame TV, music and movies all they want for the glamorisation of this culture but at the end of the day it is up to parents and the appropriate authorities to teach their kids what is right and wrong.

Devine then moves onto the teenager arrested in Bali and how Indonesian authorities have done more to punish this kid for his stupidity than the Australian media and political leaders have. In fact, when news of his arrest came out the dominant response from the Australian media was that of outrage TOWARDS THE INDONESIAN AUTHORITIES WHO ARRESTED HIM RATHER THAN TOWARDS THE KID FOR HIS MISTAKE. Devine notes that according to the NSW Central Coast police (where the boy comes from), had they been the ones who caught him for the crime he would be let off with a slap on the wrist and nothing more since the court would not take the matter seriously.
To make it worse, Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard and Foreign Affairs Minister Kevin Rudd appeared to race against each other to bring the boy home and NOT ONCE did they express disappointment or disgust over his stupid behaviour (for anyone reading this who thinks I'm being too hard on the boy, it is because what he did was absolutely dumb and does NOT deserve any sympathy). Instead, they only seemed to care about the accolades that awaited them once they've unashamedly flouted and disrespected another country's laws and brought the kid home where there's a chance he could be treated as a celebrity. I think it is an absolute shame that another country has to discipline some punk kid on their own just because his own countrymen and women weren't more willing to do so. Sure, the kid has been facing criticism from all sides for what he did but those who weren't more willing to punish him for what he did are just as bad, if not worse than he is.

Time to get tougher on these kids, people. What ever did happen to disciplining kids when they do something wrong? At the risk of sounding like a cranky old fart, but back in my day, when you screwed up you either heard it loud and clear from your parents or got a slap in the backside or a clip on the ear. There is nothing wrong with disciplining your kid when they do something wrong just as long as it's not too brutal and will resort in you going to jail for child abuse. Once you start getting soft on these kids, they not only stray but they start to believe that they can do anything they want without considering the consequences.

I've heard that before!

When I first heard X-Factor Australia winner Reece Mastin's debut single 'Good night', the first thought that came to mind was how it sounded so similar to Pink's song 'Raise Your Glass'. While it has a slightly different tune, Mastin's song has the same guitar riff and drum beat as Pink's hit. Don't get me wrong. Mastin was a deserved winner but I wonder if he's even remotely aware of this.
That said, this blog is not intended to attack him or whoever wrote the song. There's really only so many tunes one can come up with and, sooner or later, one song will eventually end up sounding similar to another. What follows are a list of 'similar songs' that I can recall and who I think came up with the better offering.

1. 'Stronger' (Britney Spears) VS 'Don't Come Back' (Human Nature)

Both songs came out in 2000. Both are somewhat forgotten in the airwaves. Both are 'I'm-strong-enough-to-survive-without-you type of songs. While the composition of both songs are markedly different from one another, the verses sure sound alike!

In my opinion, while the Human Nature track is comes off as smoother and more relaxed, Spears' track makes you want to get up and dance. And as far as the common theme behind both songs is concerned, 'Stronger' conveys it better since the upbeat tempo suggests she really is moving on, having fun and not thinking about the man who wronged her. 'Don't come back' just sounds like a guy trying to act 'cool' with the situation when in fact he sounds like a heart-broken whinger. Spears wins it for me here.

2. 'Unfaithful' (Rhianna) VS 'Lonely No More' (Rob Thomas)

Thomas' song came out first in in 2003, Rhianna's in 2006. Thomas' song is about a guy telling a girl how much she means to him and that he'd seemingly be lonely without her. Rhianna's song is about a woman who is having an affair behind her boyfriend's back. The two songs are from completely different genres (one is pop/rock, the other is R&B) but anyone who listens to them will note that the chorus of both songs sound similar.

To be honest with you, whenever I hear these songs on the radio I always feel the need to switch stations. I'm not too crazy about either of them and the fact that they were both overplayed during their heyday makes it worse. But if I had to choose the better song, I'd go with Rhianna. Sure, it has a darker theme and is not as upbeat as Thomas' offering, but it proves that Rhianna is no slouch in the ballad department - even if her voice sounds auto-tuned.

3. 'Born this way' (Lady Gaga) VS 'Express Yourself' (Madonna)

Madonna's song came out way back in 1989, Gaga's in 2010. Madonna's song has a typical 80's dance record sound whereas Lady Gaga's sounds like the type of song you'd hear blaring out at most trendy nightclubs. Both songs promote self-esteem and empowerment, and both songs sound eerily alike, particularly the chorus.

To be honest, I'm not a big fan of either artist or the disco music genre but I quite enjoyed these songs. They're both catchy, upbeat, have a positive message and make you want to get up and dance and sing along to the lyrics (mind you, for me to be able to do that it would need to involve a big room without any witnesses and an abundant supply of alcohol).
As far as making a pick is concerned, it's pretty tough because they sound so alike and convey the same message, so I'll go with Madonna, simply because she came out first. But still a good job by Lady Gaga.

4. 'A Public Affair' (Jessica Simpson) VS 'Holiday' (Madonna)

Simpson's song came out in 2006, Madonna's in 1983. Both are dance tunes, one talking about the overall feeling of being on holiday and the other going on about a girls night out. As is the case with Reece Mastin and Pink, these two songs don't necessarily have the same tune but the similarities in song composition is uncanny.

While Jessica sounds much better in this song than she does in most of her other ones (ie: she doesn't try to hit high notes that shatter mirrors and eardrums), she and this song do not hold a prayer to Madonna's classic. Let's put it this way; 'A Public Affair' barely gets any airtime anymore, 'Holiday' still does. It's a no-brainer, Madonna wins this battle. Sorry, Jess.

5. 'Sarah' (Eskimo Joe) VS 'Never Ending Story' (Limahl)

'Sarah' came out in 2006, 'Never Ending story in 1984. Once again we have two different genres here, with one being a rock song and the other an 80's pop song. But does anyone notice how the chorus for 'Sara' and the tail-end of the chorus for 'Never Ending Story' sounds the same?

On one hand you got a pretty catchy rock tune that you'd expect to hear at a pub and on the other you have an 80's tune that could serve as a guilty pleasure (admit it! Some of you out there would probably start jumping up and down to this one!). For me personally, I'm going to have to go with Eskimo Joe. All due respect to Limahl but everytime I hear that tune I cringe - although it is infectious and guaranteed to stay in your head for days after listening to it.

6. 'Your Love Is A Lie' (Simple Plan) VS 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' (Green Day)

Simple Plan's tune came out in 2008, Green Day's in 2004. Both are in the punk pop genre and have a pretty negative tone about love and loss (the former) and just what appears to be loneliness and depression (the latter). While their respective choruses sound different, the tune to their verses sound quite the same.

I haven't heard either of these songs for a while now but I liked them then and I still like them now. It's hard for me to pick a definite winner, but if I had to choose one I'd probably lean more towards Green Day. The Simple Plan song is definitely scathing and angry enough to make for a good break-up song, but Billie Joe Armstrong has a better voice than Pierre Bouvier.

7. 'Welcome To The World' (Kevin Rudolf) VS 'Supersonic' (Oasis)

Rudolf's offering came out in 2009, Oasis' in 1994. Both are rock songs that are, in my opinion, good to listen to while jogging or working out. Despite the differences in song composition and tempo, with one being louder and flashier and the other smoother and more relaxed, the chorus of both songs sound similar.

I've pretty much made it clear that I like these songs so my pick would come down to which song I could listen to for longer periods of time. On that note, I'm going to go with 'Supersonic'. It's hard to go against old school tunes and Oasis are a band that, to me, are hard to pick against.

8. 'We Are Golden (Mika) VS 'Living On A Prayer' (Bon Jovi) VS 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth' (Belinda Carlisle)

To round off the list, we have a three-way rivalry. Three songs, three different genres, three choruses that sound the same.
'Living on a prayer' came out first in 1986, followed by 'Heaven is a place on earth' the next year while Mika's offering came out in 2009. One is an 80's pop love song, another is an old-school rock tune that looks at a working-class couple struggling to make ends meet, and the other is something of a youth anthem. So we have three different genres and themes here, but which song was the best?

There can really be only one winner for me and it's 'Living On A Prayer'. It's one of those songs that you can sing along to, not to mention air-guitar to. Carlisle's offering is a good song to dance to but just as it was with 'Never Ending Story' it's a tad too cheesy and corny for my palate while Mika's offering is too loud, garish, and quite frankly, irritating.

Well, there you have it. To all you songwriters out there who are dismayed that parts of, if not your entire song sounds like someone else's work don't worry about it. There's really only so many tunes you can come up with and at the end of the day, your song is not their song and would have a completely different story to tell.

Foot in the mouth disease

Whether you love him or loathe him, FIFA boss Joseph 'Sepp' Blatter remains one of football's most entertaining characters, even if it is mostly for the wrong reasons.
During his 13-years on the job, Blatter has been embroiled in controversies, allegations of corruption and general idiot behaviour. Some of his blunders were the result of his big mouth and recently, it landed him in hot water yet again. A few days ago, and with the English Premier League still reeling from two recent controversies regarding racism, the great man himself claimed that any footballer who is racially abused on the pitch by another should shake hands with the perpetrator at the final whistle. The timing of his faux pas was priceless - it apparently came on the day that Liverpool FC striker Luis Suarez was charged with racially abusing Manchester United defender Patrice Evra (who is black) and just weeks after Chelsea FC defender and captain John Terry was accused of making racist comments at Queens Park Rangers FC defender Anton Ferdinand (who is also black).

Blatter's comments drew heavy criticism, particularly from footballers. Ferdinand's brother, Manchester United player Rio Ferdinand took to twitter to voice his disbelief, calling Blatter's comments 'condescending' and 'laughable', before going on to claim that football's anti-racist stance was a fake. Los Angeles Galaxy player David Beckham accused Blatter of taking a half-hearted approach to the issue and, after Blatter was forced to apologise for his comments, former footballer Sol Campbell made it clear that Blatter's actions were unforgivable and that he should 'do the honourable thing and step down' as FIFA president.

Clearly, Blatter is a man who has fallen prey to the old 'foot in the mouth disease' once too often. I'm surprised he hasn't been given a Foot In Mouth Award or, worse a Golden Bull Award by the Plain English Campaign. This is the same man whose past gaffes include unsavoury comments about gay people in regards to the 2022 World Cup, declared that female footballers should wear tighter shorts to increase the popularity of women's football and, much to the chagrin of female football fans, implemented the rule that players who remove their shirts during goal celebrations (or celebrated too wildly) were to be booked. Throw in allegations of corruption and you have a rapsheet that is sure to be longer and more embarrassing than Lindsay Lohan's.

It's long been the bane of human society, this foot-in-the-mouth tendency. Sometimes we say things that we think is funny or light-hearted when in reality it is the complete opposite. Other times we just say things that we think make us look smart but end up having the opposite effect. A good example of these include trying to cheer people up during a difficult period by trying to put a positive spin on the situation - and coming across as an insensitive jerk instead. Another example is saying something out loud just because you believe it will make you look intelligent but instead coming across as being the total opposite. You've seen it before, where people comment on something that is making news or try to make an intellectual statement only to misuse a word, come off as arrogant and insensitive or get their facts wrong. Remember Justin Bieber's Rolling Stone interview earlier this year in which he inadvertently came across as condescending when commenting on homosexuals, abortion and rape?

And then there are those who say something to insult or correct someone only to end up offending someone else. A good example of this is the Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice, whose current boyfriend is Australian rugby union player Quade Cooper. After watching a rugby union match in September 2010 in which Australia defeated South Africa, she took to Twitter to congratulate the Australian team and taunt the opposition. Unfortunately, she ended up putting the proverbial foot in her mouth instead. Her tweet that day read 'suck on that, f****ts!!!!!' Those four little words got her into big trouble, with one of her sponsors, Jaguar, severing ties with her and many people calling her classless and bigoted. She was forced to make a public apology. Exuberance can indeed be a hindrance at times, clouding our judgement and inflating our confidence. The result can be an increased chance of getting one's self into trouble.


Then there are those who try to flatter people with their compliments but end up insulting them instead. For example, telling someone that they look 'amazing' or 'youthful' for a person of their age. While it definitely serves as a compliment, the recipient might interpret that as your way of saying 'You're an old fart but at least you still look hot'. Same goes with someone's appearance, for example telling them 'Wow!!!! You've lost weight!' The other person might think 'So what? You thought I was a fat pig?' The worse would be trying to compliment someone's personal achievement only to offend them instead. Merely congratulating them would be enough, but sometimes telling them things like 'You proved me wrong' or 'That was unexpected, well done!' can be taken the wrong way.
As it turns out even if you have something nice to say, sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut. Talk about a good deed wasted.

So where does Mr. Blatter's blunder fall under? In a way it falls under all categories. His comments came across as condescending and insensitive to anyone who has been racially abused and while it was his intention to come up with a remedy to a serious issue that would be fair to all parties he ended up insulting others instead. I guess the moral lesson of the story is to think before you speak. People tend to be mighty sensitive these days and so even the most complimentary comments could be misinterpreted and taken as an insult. So even if you have something nice or insightful to say, think before you speak.

Time to think with your BRAIN!!!!!!

According to a recent US and UK study regarding internet users, men are far more likely to fall for social networking scams than women.
The study found that on sites such as Facebook, men are more likely to accept a friend request from strangers, especially from a user whose profile picture shows a sexy, scantily-clad woman. Unfortunately, this would then lead to access to personal information and it doesn't help that men are more likely to announce their location, have a relaxed approach towards privacy settings and leave their account open for all to view.

As a guy, I think I speak for all men when I say that our confidence levels and egos go through the roof whenever an attractive female wants to talk to us and it sometimes comes at the expense of our common sense. You know how it is, you get approached by a good-looking girl, she asks you if you'd like to hook up and immediately you think 'Jackpot, baby!' and throw all caution into the wind. It's the same with social networking sites. A female user with an attractive profile pic wants to be your friend and you think 'Oh, hell yeah!' without considering whether or not the profile is legitimate. You don't stop to think this user could be a serial killer or an identity thief posing as an attractive woman to gain your attention, and then before you know it, they've either stolen your identity or tracked you down (thanks to your tendency to advertise your whereabouts and your lax approach to privacy settings) and killed you.

I guess this article makes men look like a bunch of idiots, but in our defence it's just something that we're born with. In the wild, the male of every species have several roles (ie: To hunt, gather, provide, protect etc) but their main purpose is to find a female to procreate with. People are no different, hence why men are always checking out other women regardless of their marital status. Us guys provide for and protect the family and we're expected to get married and have children. Sure, civilisation frowns upon the idea of a man cheating on his wife or partner but in the wild, animals are rarely monogamous. Most of them have children with one female then move on to the next. Any man who tells you that such urges never crossed their mind is lying to you. The way I see it, we all have that urge but some of us are better at controlling it than others. Society just wants us to control our natural urges because that's pretty much what separates us humans from beasts. Hence why women often refer to men as 'animals' and 'beasts' and worse, 'neanderthals' whenever we act up. I guess it also explains why men tend to break things, chew with their mouths open, get into fights, forget to clean up after themselves and not bother making themselves presentable unless it is absolutely necessary.

Time to start thinking with your brains, guys. When it comes to social networking, you can't afford to get too reckless. Just because some user with an irresistible profile picture wants to be your friend doesn't mean you have to add them right away. If you have never heard of this person until now, have no mutual friends or interests in common and/or if they don't have many friends to begin with, don't just accept their request right there on the spot. And if upon accepting them you find that their profile and activity looks suspicious, unfriend them right away! Better to be safe than sorry, guys.

And if you are currently in a relationship and are still doing this, you'd better hope to God your significant other doesn't find out, for it must be noted that in the wild, the female of the species can be much more deadly than the male!

It all comes down to you

Before I get this blog underway, I just want to say that I will not dedicate an entire blog on the big drama that is Kim Kardashian. Firstly, too many things have already been written about her and her divorce and so I'd pretty much sound like someone else and second of all, for anyone wondering why I didn't write a 'Saving Kim'-style blog, it's because to be honest she doesn't need saving. The woman made around $18 million from her wedding to basketball player Kris Humphries and allegedly the couple earned around $250,000 for every day that they were married. I'm guessing that she'll probably make more money from this divorce and still commands a generous sum from store and social appearances and any business ventures and endorsements that has her name on it. So even if the public stop caring much about her and she fades away from our consciousness (as it did her former 'bestie' Paris Hilton), she won't be missing anything other than more chances to hog headlines and attention. Hence, she doesn't need any of my help.

Ok, now that I've got that out of the way, I'd first like to share a recent article I read in the paper. According to studies conducted by the University Of Queensland School of Psychology, people who played violent video games, particularly fighting games, did so at the risk of losing their empathy. The study involved 144 participants who first played the game Mortal Kombat and then played a tennis game. They were then asked to rate their own empathy after playing. The participants admitted that they felt 'dehumanised' after playing Mortal Kombat and so the study concluded that prolonged playing of such games could turn people into violent, aggressive, unfeeling people, since these players would eventually begin to relate to these characters.

Like most guys, I too was a huge fan of violent games. I loved the Street Fighter series (which isn't exactly gory and violent, but still a fighting game nonetheless), played Mortal Kombat a fair bit and was an absolute fan of first-person shooters. I played them from hours on end. I will admit now that those feelings of coldness and extreme aggression has crossed my mind but you know what? I've never used it on anyone. I've never killed, maimed or seriously injured anyone because I know that it's not the right thing to do.

I wrote a blog a few months ago about taking things too literally, and I think the same could be applied here. I was taught from an early age the difference between right and wrong, as well as the fact that one shouldn't take everything they see and hear on TV, radio, video games and all that too literally. While I enjoyed playing these violent games, I also knew that I shouldn't try to re-enact what I saw on the game screen for real. Seriously, I get quite annoyed when 'experts' try to blame video games, movies, music and all that for rising crime rates and anti-social behaviour. Sure, they CAN contribute but it really comes down to the individuals themselves. Are they smart enough to not imitate everything that they see and hear? Or are they dumb enough to take it to heart and get themselves into trouble? My parents also made sure that I didn't play these games until I was old enough to do so. That way I could play them and not allow myself to take things to heart.

So while it's true that excessive playing of violent games can contribute to monstrous behaviour, I don't think these games should be to blame for turning people into monsters. Such a thought makes non-violent fans of these games look bad and could potentially lead to a ban in these games - which could lead to more than a few fans becoming murderous! People just need to know the difference between right and wrong and be smart enough not to take everything you see and hear too literally. Seriously, people, it all comes down to you.

The high price of idiocy

Seriously, as I read the following story in the newspaper this week my mind was caught somewhere in between sadness and sheer disbelief. Sure, there are some people (mostly younger ones, unfortunately) who would do just about anything in the name of 'thrillseeking', even if it meant putting their lives in danger but this was something else.

A 15-year old schoolgirl from the US, Abigail Corthals, was found dead in her bedroom with a belt tied around her neck. Apparently, she was just one of many US teens participating in a deadly new 'choking game' (called 'black-out' or 'knock-out' among participants) in which players would attempt to asphyxiate each other, or themselves to get a 'high' from lack of oxygen. The game started as an internet fad in the US but has begun to spread and many participants have lost their lives.
Corthals' parents initially thought she had committed suicide but text messages in her phone and in her MSN account indicated that she was playing the game.

I hate to sound disrespectful towards Abigail and her grieving parents, but seriously, this is not a tragedy, this is pure stupidity. Gambling with your life in the name of fun? What kind of game is that? You might as well be playing Russian Roulette or attempting to swim in piranha-infested waters with a cut on your knee. The sad part is, there is no real glory to be achieved in playing this game. Just a temporary high and the possibility of a needless death. Abigail certainly paid the high price for her actions. As have countless others caught up in this dumb fad. Well played, guys.

Abigail's parents were aware of this fad and had warned their daughter not to partake in such a 'stupid' activity. However, they weren't aware of her participation on the night she died. According to her father, she was in her room, with the door open, and he assumed that she was probably talking to a friend online and nothing more. Also, a message in her MSN showed that Abigail was starting to feel unwell and wanted to pull out of the competition, but somehow she ended up playing on and paying the ultimate price for doing so. What a waste.

Time to use your common sense, people. It doesn't take a genius to know that when you choose to play 'games' like this you risk killing yourself. And for what? Just so you can say 'look at me! I cheated death! I'm so hardcore!' You want to be hardcore? Try running a marathon. Surf a giant wave. Survive a boxing match. Go bungee jumping, skydiving or anything of the sort. Heck, have the guts to stand in the middle of a busy area and recite a famous speech at the top of your voice. Losing your life thanks to some dangerous activity made famous on the internet is a pretty stupid way to go, and I doubt you'd want that to be mentioned in your obituary.

Another day, another bit of weird news

When I was a kid, my parents knew just what to do whenever I misbehaved. I was a video game addict back then and so the solution was simple: No video games until I cleaned up my act. It worked perfectly. The idea of not being allowed to play scared the bejesus out of me and so right then and there I agreed to stop being a pain.
When I really screwed up, the punishment was a light spank on the hand or on the bottom - in addition to no gaming or TV. No, the slap wasn't hard and I would've had to have done something REALLY bad for it to happen, but I got the message loud and clear.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are simple ways to discipline a child without having to go through extremes. Just make sure it's subtle but also messes with their favoured daily routine. The same cannot be said of one particular guy who made the news some time this week.

Fremon Seay, a 38-year old man from Washington in the US got annoyed with his teenage daughter and, rather than lay down the law the conventional way he decided that an old fashioned, medieval-style joust was the best option. Yes, you read that right, a medieval joust. He forced her to put on body armour, carry a shield and a wooden sword and square off against him in a duel. Somehow she agreed but eventually lost the duel. That wasn't enough for Fremon. He continued to beat his daughter while she was down, eventually bruising her head, arms and legs. Throughout all this his wife Julie stood in the background, encouraging Fremon to 'beat the smirk' off their daughter's face. Fremon was soon arrested and charged with second-degree assault while Julie was charged with being an accessory.

Another day, another idiot gets charged for a crime that can only be described as insane. You have to wonder, how on earth did Fremon ever convince a teenage girl to put on a ridiculous costume and fight him all in the name of discipline? Aren't teenage girls supposed to be rebels who would never wear something that makes them look silly? I could only imagine he probably bribed her into fighting him by threatening to show unflattering photos of herself to her friends, maybe taking away her phone and/or internet privileges, threatening to make her curfew earlier etc. If he did any of those, any one of them should be enough punishment. I'm pretty sure most of those would be enough to drive a teenager nuts and set them straight. Fremon could have left it at that but instead he had to take it to the next level and render his daughter bruised and battered and be arrested for his troubles. Well played, Fremon!

I guess we can only hope that Freyon deals with his current predicament just fine. Getting charged with second-degree assault for beating your own daughter up is bad. Getting charged with second-degree assault for beating your own daughter up while wearing a silly costume is worse. And all because he wanted to show his daughter who was boss. Will she ever respect him again after this?

Disgusting to some, beauty to others

Bad body odour is easily one of the most repulsive things human beings have to put up with from time to time. We've all been there. You're sitting on a bus or train or whatever, just minding your own business when all of a sudden, someone sits next to you and the pungent odour hanging off them clogs your lungs. Not exactly a pleasant experience is it? The worse part is sitting there and thinking whether or not to move. Sure, it's the wisest thing to do, but at the same time you might feel guilty about hurting the poor person's feelings.

Which brings us to the guilty person. Seriously, do these people have any shame? I'd be mortified if I ever left the house smelling like a used sweatsuit or if my breath smelled like a dead animal. People may not express it openly, but I'd be well aware that there are people around me thinking 'that dude reeks! When was the last time he bathed!?' Nice, huh? It's one way to make an unflattering lasting impression. It's also a dumb way to embarrass yourself. You'd think that people would have the common sense to actually make themselves presentable when they leave the house. Even if you don't feel like getting too dressed up, there shouldn't be a reason for you to smell like crap when you leave the house.

Well, serial B.O offenders, there's now a reason for you lot to clean up your act. According to US eptomologists, bad smells can attract 'potentially deadly mosquitoes'. According to studies conducted by the University of California, the carbon dioxide people exhale and skin odours attract female aedes aegypti mosquitoes. They hunt down the source of the smell, bite and spread diseases like dengue fever.

It's not just heat, bad hygiene and stress that cause these smells. According to leading naturopath Leah Hechtman, the food we eat can also play a part, particularly certain herbs and spices. She did, however, state that food high in vitamin B1 could ward off mosquitoes, and NSW Health states that light-coloured, loose-fitting clothes and covered footwear can minimise your chances of being bitten.

I know a vast majority of you will read this article and think 'Pffftt!!!! Get outta here, Bernd! I can't believe you're scared of mosquitoes!'. But to you, I respectfully say 'fine, we'll see whose laughing when you're suffering from a virus thanks to your own irresponsibility and stinkiness!' Ok, I've had my share of mosquito bites and have been fortunate to not catch anything serious, but you know, one day you might not be so lucky.

Even if you're fortunate enough not to get seriously ill from a mosquito bite, putting up with the itch would mean at least one or two weeks of frustration. Also, they just look plain ugly, especially when you've got them in bunches. And all because you didn't take better care of yourself. Would you seriously have to guts to walk around at the beach on a nice, Summer day with a body full of mosquito bites, with people gawking at the red blotches on your back, chest and arms? Didn't think so!

Time to scrub up, folks. Here in Australia, Summer is just right around the corner and so that means more mosquitoes will be buzzing around looking for victims to latch onto. If you're not careful, it could be you!

And also, spare a thought for the poor people who have to put up with the pong. Not only would your little mishap be hell for them, but you would also be bringing unneccessary shame on yourself.

You should have known better

Some time last week, a 14-year old Australian teenager was arrested for drug possession in Bali, where he was on holidays with his parents.
He and a friend had apparently been approached by a drug dealer on their way to get a massage. The boy, named Lewis Mason bought $A25 worth of marijuana from the dealer. He was arrested after leaving the place he got the massage. He could face a maximum of 12 years in jail if convicted but his lawyer, Mohammad Rifan, stated that because of his age Mason could be charged under provisions for juveniles, which would mean a maximum of 6 years. Unfortunately, Indonesia does not have a juvenile court system and so Mason would have to serve out his sentence in an adult prison if convicted, most likely in Bali's 'Kerobokan Jail' where Australians Schepelle Corby and the 'Bali 9' are serving their sentences.

Naturally, Mason has been distressed throughout all this and his parents are devastated. It was also reported that the drug dealer who approached Mason had told him that he hadn't eaten in days and desparately needed the money, and so Mason was simply doing him a favour. Mohammad Rifan also claimed that the Kerobokan Jail was 'a nightmare for adults' and so would not be a safe place for a teenager.
Meanwhile, Australian Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd had announced that he and the Australian Government were working closely with Indonesian authorities to bring Mason back home.

Ok, I don't mean to kick the kid while he's down, but I find it hard to feel too sympathetic over what's happened to him. While I pray that he and his family are safe and doing well, the kid still committed a crime in Indonesia and so should still be subject to their laws. Would it be fair to others who are doing time for the same crime if he was pardoned just because he was younger than them? No, it wouldn't. Sure, we can all hope that he doesn't go in heavy but if he ends up serving the maximum penalty for his crime then people should get over it. It's Indonesia's laws and no one else's.

As for the kid's excuse that he felt sorry for the dealer, come on!!!! If he wanted to help the guy out, why not just give him money and NOT BUY THE DRUGS? Even if he had no intention of using the drugs the fact that he purchased them makes him look like a fool. At 14-years old one should be aware that drug possession is a criminal offence and in recent years it's become pretty clear that such a crime is a pretty big deal in Indonesia and that harsh, sometimes life-threatening penalities await offenders. When you apply for a passport you are warned of these things. Well, Mason is a 14-year old boy AND has an Australian passport. He should have known better. It doesn't take a genius to know that if someone offers you illicit drugs AND asks money in exchange, YOU SAY NO!!!!! Not only would it be a waste of your time, but it's a lousy way to lose money and could cost you your life.

Surely Mason has heard of Schapelle Corby, Michael Sacatides and the 'Bali Nine'. They're all serving prison sentences for drug offences in Indonesia and two of the Bali Nine ringleaders are on death row. Better yet, has he heard of Van Tuong Nguyen, the young man hanged in Singapore back in 2005 for the same crime? While Mason may not serve the same harsh sentences they got, he should have known that what he did was wrong and would land him in big trouble, especially in Indonesia.

At the end of the day, no one should have to go through what he's going through, and no parent should have to see their child caught up in this ordeal. But seriously, and I hate to say it, but the kid is simply paying for his own mistake and while Rudd and the Australian government can fight all they want for his release, their battle could be futile. As for Lewis Mason, I wish him all the best and hope that he's learned a valuable lesson from all this. And I also hope that others would learn from this story and realise that doing dumb things overseas may seem like fun, but in the end you could end up paying a hefty price for your actions - and help won't come easily.

King Kyle is a royal idiot

Yesterday morning, Kyle Sandilands, one half of the Sydney breakfast radio show 'The Kyle and Jackie O Show' on 2DayFM let slip on air that he had fathered a love-child.

While a song by British singer Adele was playing, Sandilands and his co-host Jackie O were heard having a conversation in which the secret came out, presumably unaware that they were still on air. Natually, listeners were shocked at the admission but many also believed Sandilands was bluffing.
Their suspicions were confirmed today when Sandilands admitted that he made the whole thing up, mainly as part of a game with his co-host in which they had to come up with the best 'stunt'. He also conceded that he was partially motivated by his love-hate relationship with the Australian media, in that he wanted to waste their time with a shocking stunt that would get them talking. Interestingly the Austereo network, the station's provider also suggested to media outlets that the stunt was a means of lifting the show's dwindling ratings.

If you ask me, Sandilands can call this a publicity stunt all he wants but I think he just added another entry to his long list of idiot moves. Pretending to have a love child? Really, Kyle? Wow! I'll bet the media would really go easy on you now! Also, way to sully your already battered reputation even further! As if the mysterious sickies, poor health, fiery temper and pointless rivalries with other MORE SUCCESSFUL celebrities weren't bad enough, you had to go the whole way and trick people into believing that you fathered a kid.

I stopped listening to his and Jackie's show a long time ago because I finally grew tired of the same old crap they have on it. Whether it's trying to pick fights with people, trying to start fights between listeners, saying and/or doing dumb things, these two would do just about anything for media attention, which makes Sandilands' claim that he finds the media irritating just a tad meaningless. Seriously, how they managed to remain one of the country's most successful radio shows makes me sick. You can accuse me of not having a sense of humour all you like but I prefer to not have to listen to vile, too-much-information-style anecdotes and idiot stunts on radio while I'm eating my breakfast. Seriously, how some of the things they do get approved to go on air in a MORNING show boggles the mind. After all, this is a time when children are being driven to school by their parents.

If Kyle and Jackie really wanted some publicity for the show, how about some GOOD publicity for once. Maybe Sandilands could finally find the willpower and the balls to get off his big, fat backside and get his health back on track. He keeps going on and on about how bad the state of his health is and that he could die soon if he doesn't make changes, yet he doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. Taking sick leaves and then partying on the same day is NOT looking after yourself, Kyle. Nor is drinking God knows how many litres of coke and full-fat lattes and eating junk food all day. It's not rocket science, man. All you need to do is start earting properly and start moving. Walking for 30 minutes a day is a good start. Kyle Sandilands finally getting his health on track. Wouldn't that be a feel-good story?

Bottom line is, Kyle Sandilands needs to realise that while some people are laughing with him, more are laughing at him and that the negative press about him far outweigh the positive. Time to start doing some good if you want to remain relevant, man. Eventually people are going to get tired and stop paying attention - and given that you seem to be one serious attention seeker I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want that.

Lies don't work

During the week, Australian olympic swimmer Kenrick Monk made the startling revelation that he had fabricated a story concerning a skateboarding injury.
He had initially told his family, friends, the police and the media that he had been the victim of a hit-and-run driver. Inevitably, his conscience got the better of him and he came out with the truth. He was not hit by a careless driver at all. Rather, he simply fell off his skateboard and hurt his arm. Why did he make up a sensational lie, you ask? Because he felt that it would be more interesting and less humiliating than falling off 'something that a 10-year old can ride'.

It goes without saying that what Monk did could seriously damage his reputation, his career and even his chances at making the 2012 London Olympics. Sure, he didn't hurt anyone but himself but lying to the media isn't going to make him any friends and lying to the police is a criminal offence. Way to flush your career down the toilet, Kenny! Not only do people now know that you cannot ride a skateboard but you've pretty much done your personal image irrevocable harm.

This fiasco is another example of people who will actually go through great lengths to hide their insecurities and failings in order to 'improve' their image. Me personally, I never understood why some people do that. Sure, everybody's got those 'skeletons in the closet' that they wouldn't want anyone to know about and had something embarrassing happen to them but the truth is, lying and telling fibs will only intensify the problem and these things have a tendency to come out, even if it takes years to do so. Remember Marion Jones? She cheated her way to all those olympic records during the Sydney 2000 games and got away with it until 2007, when she finally admitted her crime. Clearly, even if you succeed in ensuring that no one finds out the truth, there will always be that little voice in the back of your mind calling you a liar and a fraud who will somehow convince you to spill the beans.

So people, please realise that lying and fabricating will get you nowhere and will mess you up much more than you realise. Making up stories about yourself is not only a waste of time but it is also, to be perfectly honest, a pathetic thing to do. Just be yourself! If people can't respect you for being you then tell them to get lost. If people can't accept you for who you are then they are not worth your time.

PS: Kenrick, I myself cannot skateboard to save my life and I'm not ashamed to admit that I've tripped, fallen, stumbled etc. Things like that just happen sometimes. It's not an excuse for you to tell some lame lie and damage your reputation as a result.

If it aint broke, don't fix it

On the 4th of September, the TV program 'Sunday Night' featured an adventure writer and one of the show's cameramen and their encounter with Brazil's Suruwaha Tribe. Considered one of the most elusive people on earth, the tribe have lived the same way as they had for thousands of years and still retain ancient rituals like human sacrifice. According to the show, only a few scientists and government officials have been granted access to the tribe and that 'Sunday Night' would be the first and only show on TV that would have access to them.
Naturally, I was intrigued about the documentary but also somewhat concerned. The cynic in me thought that it would be nothing more than an exploitation of a tribe of people who are best off left alone. Well, I decided to put my pessimism aside and watched it.

I wish I didn't. Why? Because my suspicions were confirmed. What I saw were two ignoramuses who zealously tried to make celebrities out of these people and suggest that it would be a good idea to somehow civilise them. They also had the audacity to insinuate that the tribe were savages and that their practices and rituals were unnatural and constantly referred to them as 'Indians' (You're not in India, guys. You're in the Amazon. Call them Natives if you want but how about dropping the nickname that only came to be thanks to a historical faux pas). Talk about a total lack of respect. And to top it off, I fear that what these two guys did is expose this peaceful tribe to the rest of the world and when that happens, it usually leads to people invading their land, destroying the tribe and its culture and trying to assimilate them into a society they are unfamiliar with where they are likely to fall prey to poverty, crime, unemployment and all the other traps in society.

First of all, you can call these people's practices and culture savage and unnatural all you want but that's because you are looking at it from your own perspective. For the Suruwaha Tribe, it is all normal and a part of their life. I'm pretty sure they would look at us 'civilised folks' dressed in fancy clothes, eating with silver utensils, getting around in vehicles, suffering from diseases etc and think that it is us who are living unnaturally. These two had no right to barge in on this tribe's space and criticise their way of life. Surely you wouldn't let someone into your home and tell you to your face that your lifestyle sucks.
Secondly, if you look at history, from the Australian Aborigines to the Native Americans you'll see that invading native land and trying to change the people and force them into a world they are unfamiliar with is dangerous work. You remember what happened? These people fell prey to diseases introduced by the settlers, had their homes taken away, their culture was destroyed, they turned to crime out of desparation etc. In the present time, they are still more likely than most to be unemployed, jailed or living a shorter life expectancy. Clearly intervention and civilisation didn't benefit them 100%. Do we really want the same thing happening to the Suruwaha Tribe?

I guess if there's one phrase that sums up my thoughts on this matter, it is 'if it aint broke, don't fix it.' The Suruwaha Tribe is perfectly fine leading their current life, their culture is what it is and they should be left alone. No one should be trying to intervene in these people's lives just because they think some aspects of it is disgusting. If people have a problem with it, who really cares? It's not your life, people, nor is it your culture and you really have no business telling people what's wrong with their way of life and try to change them.

One person's idiocy, everyone loses.

September 11 this year will mark 10 years since the terrorist attacks in New York City. It was one of those events that sent shockwaves around the world and I think everybody still pretty much remembers what they were doing when they heard about it. Me? I was getting ready for school. Upon arriving at school everyone was talking about some crazy thing that went down in the 'States'. During the next few weeks the attacks dominated every news outlet, Osama Bin Laden was identified as the mastermind of the attacks, the world grieved with the US and most notably, hatred and fear of Muslims ran riot.

I read the newspaper this morning and in a section devoted to 'Ten Years On' since the attacks, a small article was included in which an Australian family of Palestinian Muslim heritage express their sadness over the hatred Bin Laden caused. The father, Neil El-Kadomi laments how people give them dirty looks in the streets, how people question their religion and how some media outlets add fuel to the fire by continuing to incite fear and hatred of Muslims. El-Kadomi stressed how he and his family, and average Australian Muslims are proud to be Australian and proud to practice their faith and that they condemn the acts of extremists.

Don't you just hate how when one person from any given community or minority screws up or crosses the line, everyone instantly hates on the rest of their people? Not only is this unfair to the innocent parties of that community, it is also an act of pure ignorance. No one should be made to suffer from another person's idiocy. I get angry whenever I see stories on current affairs shows that talk about some 'Muslim Uprising' and how 'Western' culture is in serious danger thanks to Muslims. Ok, so maybe there are some extremists out there who take their religion too far but that shouldn't be an excuse to hate on the entire religion and its worshippers, especially since Muslims in general do not condone such acts and view it as going against their faith which preach the power of peace.

It isn't just Muslims that's getting a bad rap. Migrants and people of ethnic backgrounds also take the heat whenever one of their own commits a crime and also when they are VICTIMS of a crime, accident or tragedy. For example, you look at the news and read about how an Asian or African person committed a crime, you immediately hear the masses calling for these people to be banned or sent back to their countries, normally with the use of racist epithets. Just recently we saw in the news how a young African girl was mauled to death in her Melbourne, Australia home by a neighbour's American Pitbull Terrier. While the girl's family received an outpouring of sympathy from the country, a few shitheads out there (I try not to use profanities in my blogs but in this case I felt it was appropriate) used it as an opportunity to racially attack the victim, praise the vicious dog as a 'True Aussie Hero' and tell other people of the same heritage that the same fate awaited them if they didn't leave the country.

This repugnance has got to stop. Just because someone who represents a community or a minority screws up it is no reason to hate on the other innocent people within that community or minority. It is an unfair and ignorant practice and has no place in an accepting society. Criticise the culprits, not their people.

Taking things too literally

I recently read a newspaper article by Australian journalist Jane Watkins that made me laugh and cringe at the same time. In it, she writes about the revelation that the late, great Tupac Shakur's fellow Outlawz rappers rolled up his cremated remains and smoked them. Why? Because apparently in his song Black Jesus he included the lyrics 'Last wishes, n***as smoke my ashes'. According to Outlawz member E.D.I Mean the group THOUGHT (that's right, emphasis on the word 'thought') he was serious about it and so they were simply honouring his request.

Watkins then goes on to note that these guys are a bunch of idiots who did something that one would only expect in children - they heard something, took it literally then did as they heard without giving it a second thought. In this case, they 'twisted up some of that great-granddaddy California kush and mixed the big homie with it' according to Outlawz member Young Noble. While I commend Mr. Noble for his eloquent description of rolling up weed and ashes I think perhaps he and his friends should have thought about it first. While it's possible that Tupac was serious about the strange request they weren't sure whether or not he was and so it's possible that they desecrated his remains for nothing. Watkins refers to the recent death of Ol' Dirty Bastard and notes that it is highly unlikely fellow Wu-Tang Clan member Method Man made a request to not have the late rapper's body washed prior to his public vieweing because his nickname wasn't Ol' Tidy Bastard and that the hip hop industry needs to get it into their heads that people, including some of their own, still take their often-controversial lyrics literally.

And so we move onto the real issue here, which is people's tendency to take things that they see and hear too literally. Like I just said, song lyrics are infamous for this, as we have seen time and time again people getting into trouble thanks to the things they hear on the radio. 'Gangsta' rap and death metal often get the heat from this, since their lyrics often glamorise a lifestyle of hedonism, crime, excess, murder, sex crimes, drugs, substance abuse etc. I'll admit now that I am guilty as charged for enjoying these extreme musical genres but I am also smart and mature enough to realise that such music is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to be taken seriously. How people still have a tendency to take the lyrical content of these songs to heart and get into trouble as a result is just mind-boggling. You'd assume that they've already learned long ago the difference between right and wrong. But with some people, this is clearly not the case.

'Gangsta' rappers usually stress in interviews that their songs are all about stories from their often troubled past, their experiences and how it made them the people they are and as something of a warning to their listeners and people in general of what can happen if you choose to follow such a path. Death metal artists often talk about how their genre calls for dark, horror themes and that listeners should not take their lyrics too seriously other than just to unwind. A sane person would listen to these types of music and be wise enough to know that the things they hear are not meant to be taken seriously. It is strictly enterainment, nothing more nothing less.

It is the same with video games and TV. Sure, we all at one stage have watched a violent film, seen stunts performed or played gory video games but again, they are for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken literally or imitated. Sure, we've heard about action film and violent video game addicts who went on to commit mass murder and acts of terrorism, but all these people were described as sociopaths, psychopaths, unstable and insane. Likewise, we've seen people die needless deaths or suffer serious injuries due to attempting stunts they saw on TV that clearly came with a 'don't try this at home' tag attached to them. These people usually had the words 'idiot', 'moron' and 'stupid' tied to their names. Unless you fall under these categories you really have no excuse for taking these things too literally.

Here in Australia, the TV series 'Underbelly' came under fire for supposedly glamorising the seedy street life and criminal lifestyle. Apparently people started to emulate what they saw on TV and decided that such lifestyles looked 'fun'. What a joke. Anyone with a grain of sense would see that the bad guys in this film often pay for their crimes with their lives in brutal, horrible fashion and that those who survived are left scarred for life or rotting in a jail cell. Also, this show was intended to tell the story of some of Australia's most notorious criminals and show the consequences of their actions. It is not a show that you watch and model your life on. It comes with multiple warnings and an MA15+ rating for a reason.

Really, I can only think of two things that can curb such behaviour; positive influences from your parents and maturity kicking in. My parents drilled into my head when I was a child that sometimes you see and hear bad things on the radio and on TV, but that you need to be smart enough to know the difference between right and wrong as well as know that you shouldn't take everything you see and hear too literally. Most songs you hear on the radio and some antics you see on TV involve dumb and/or dangerous things that only an idiot would attempt and while it seems unimaginable that people would do them, you'd be surprised at how many people still take the bait. It's understandable if a child has such tendencies, it is part of their nature to be curious about the world around them and for that you need to keep them on the straight path. But when adults make that kind of mistake it becomes both worrying and embarrassing.

Pitbull Terriers: To ban or not to ban?

Sometime last week in Victoria, a young girl was mauled to death by her neighbour's American Pitbull Terrier. As predicted, the debate as to whether or not to ban the popular but dangerous dog breed resurfaced, with many people agreeing that it is time to take action. However, there are still people who disagree, claiming that it is the owner's fault for not training the dog more diligently and for leaving it unguarded. For these people, American Pitbull Terriers are generally loyal and friendly to their owners.

First of all, my condolences go out to the family of this little girl. Losing a child is hard enough. I can't imagine how traumatising it would be to watch them die in such a horrible, gruesome manner. As for this debate, I really don't know what to say. While I totally understand why there are calls to ban the breed, I think it would encourage illegal smuggling and trade of these dogs. That's usually what happens when you ban things nowadays right? But at the same time, these dogs are bred to hunt and fight. Not exactly the ideal traits of a family pet. While they may be useful in guarding people's properties it's in their nature to attack. So if we were to look at it in this light, the dog was just simply carrying out what nature intended it to do. I remember a line from that film 'Jurrasic Park', in which Dr. Grant (Sam Neill) shakes his head in disbelief at the sight of a goat standing in the T-Rex's cage, waiting to be eaten. He mutters to himself that it is in the T-Rex's nature to hunt down prey and so placing a goat there for it to eat will be an act of suppressing the creature's natural urge.

But at the same time, pitbulls remain a popular breed and the United Kennel Club describe them as a loyal, friendly breed, generally non-aggressive towards strangers and that any aggressive behaviour is highly uncharactersitic. However, due to their excess energy, athleticism and background as fighting dogs they require lots of exercise and proper training and socialisation at an early age. Add it all up and it becomes quite clear that only strong, experienced dog owners should own them.

In light of what I've just written here I guess I'd side with the folks who believe that banning pitbull terriers is not the solution. However, I think there needs to be some sort of screening process for potential owners of this breed, if there isn't one already. Prospective owners should have proven experience with a wide range dogs as well as the right type of personality to handle this breed. They should also be willing to make the right kind of arrangements on their properties to accomodate the dog. People are made to undergo tests and examinations before they buy guns, surely they can do the same for people who are looking to own a dangerous dog breed.

OWWW MY EARS!!!!!!

When I first watched the music video for Rebecca Black's song 'Friday' I honestly didn't wait around to hear the whole thing. Why? Because it was so bad that after about 40 seconds I just gave up and switched it off. I mean, the song had an annoying tune, the clip was pretty cheesy and Black's voice was without a shadow of a doubt the worse I've heard in a long time. She sounded like a dying cat and the only thing I could say at the time was 'Sheesh! I hope that's not her real voice!' Clearly I wasn't alone. She recieved death threats over the song, the song itself inspired parodies and imitations and she became a walking punch-line. As a result the clip was deleted off youtube.

She has since came back with a new song, 'My Moment'. I only listened to the first few seconds of the song and while I'm pretty sure autotune was used, her voice sounds much, much better. But as bad as 'Friday' was, I recently heard another song that had me running for the hills after a mere 10 seconds of listening to it. This song made 'Friday' sound like an unforgettable classic and the singer herself has celebrity credentials more meaningless than the Kardashian sisters and a notoriety that would make Charlie Sheen blush. She is an aspiring country singer and recently made news for all the wrong reasons, although to be fair she can't take all the credit for it. I am talking about Courtney Alexis Stodden.

We're all familiar with her by now. She's the 16-year old singer who, earlier this year, married 51-year old actor Doug Hutchison, best known for his roles in films like 'The Green Mile' and 'I am Sam', as well as TV roles in 'Lost' and '24'. Yes, you read that right. This teenage, barely legal girl, who is younger than Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, who was not even born yet when Bill Clinton became US President, who was forbidden by law to drink at her own wedding, married a man who is four years OLDER than her father, who is older than Barrack Obama, and who was already alive when John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Really twisted stuff isn't it? Look, I'm open-minded enough to realise that, in another era, such acts weren't uncommon. But that was then, this is now, people and in this modern era, what these two did is not only considered disgusting and unlawful, but also downright criminal. Yes, the idea of older men marrying much, much younger women is not unheard of, but in those cases, both bride and groom were full-grown adults, not adult and child.

Ok, enough of that, let's get back on track here. This blog is all about Stodden (or should that be Mrs. Hutchison? *shudders*) and her oh-so-awful song that made me want to rip out my eyes and use them as earplugs. The song I heard, 'Don't Put It On Me' is available on youtube as a 'promotional clip' and the full song can be downloaded from iTunes. Most of you are probably wondering, 'Geez, Bernd. What the hell were you doing looking it up?' My answer: When I first heard that this little tart married some geriatric sicko and read that she was an aspiring singer, I was curious to hear how she sounded. I well and truly regret that decision. What I saw was a video clip involving some girl who looks older than her age suggests trying her hardest to imitate Paris Hilton and as for the song itself, it involved lame beats and bubblegum-pop music accompanied by a sing-songy rap voice that was so grating I was screaming 'UNCLE!!!!!!' after just a few seconds. Seriously, how the hell is this supposed to be a country song? Isn't country songs supposed to involve gentle guitars and soft beats accompanied by a laidback, friendly voice (male singers) or sweet, mellow ones (female singers)? Clearly, this song had none of that. If anything Stodden sounds like Ke$ha's younger, brattier, far more insufferable evil sister. No disrespect to Ke$ha intended.

So to Rebecca Black, Ke$ha, Rihanna, Justin Bieber and all the other singers I've heckled in my lifetime, I sincerely apologise to you all. Turns out there's someone out there with a voice worse than all of yours and a personal life and a reputation that would make even the most messed-up celeb shake their heads in disbelief. And Courtney, if you think being a singer is your true calling in life, well then all the best to you. Hope you fulfil that goal and maybe someday you might blossom into a real artist. But please realise that you and Doug are probably going to be hearing it loud and clear from haters and critics for the rest of your married lives, no matter how hard you both try to convey the image of a perfectly normal married couple and that there is a good chance you've both shot your reputations to pieces.

Weird, weird news

According to recent news a man was recently sentenced to three years in prison for fooling women into looking after him by pretending to be autistic.
The man, 21-year old Mark Richardson, behaved like a child, drank formula, sucked on a pacifier and threw tantrums as part of his act. Somehow, he managed to trick two women into 'babysitting' him, with duties including changing his diapers. Naturally, he was eventually arrested and charged with seven misdemeanour counts of outraging public decency and felony sexual battery, all of which he pleaded guilty to. He had apparently grabbed the breast of one sitter's daughter and in addition to his jail sentence the judge ordered him to register as a sex offender and pay $195 to one of his sitters, who was not paid in full for the so-called sessions.
During his trial, the judge told Richardson that he understood he had issues but that it is a poor excuse for his crime. Richardson for his part told the judge he regretted his actions and intended to get his life back on track.

I really don't know what to say about this. When I first read the article, the first thing that sprang to mind is that this guy's taken the whole single-and-desparate thing way too far. I mean, coming on strong to a woman armed with cheesy pick-up lines is one thing, but to show up to their front doors pretending to be some big kid who needs a carer? That's some seriously creepy behaviour right there. I'm no Barney Stinson, but I know that pulling off silly stunts like this is not going to get a girl to like you. Seriously, what happened to just simply approaching her, get a good conversation going and then asking her if she'd like to go out with you? Keep it simple, people! Realise that creepy and/or absurd behaviour doesn't do anything for your chances with her or for your personal image.

But, all that aside, I also thought that maybe he's just another tortured soul who just wanted attention. Sure, he went about it the wrong way but we all know how desparate some people can get when they crave attention. Whether they are 16-year old 'singers' who marry 51-year old sickos, teenagers who lie about being raped or morons who throw house parties that disrupt the peace and gain national attention, some people would do just about anything to get people to acknowledge them. Sadly for Mark Richardson, the only thing he got out of it is a criminal record and public vilification. What a way to go out, huh?

I guess we can all learn a little something from this piece of weird news, and that is no matter how much you want something or someone, JUST ACT NORMAL. By pulling off idiot stunts like this, not only will you be unsuccessful, but you risk damaging your reputation forever. Not a fair trade is it?

Sex, Lies and Idiocy

During this week, we've had the privilege (*cough! cough!* misfortune) of watching two separate sex scandals unfold before our eyes. One involved a teenage girl, starved for attention, recanting serious allegations she made about a well-known sports agent, allegations that left him disgraced and all but cost him his job. The other involved a US congressman who fell victim to his ego and his libido, causing seemingly irrevocable damage to his personal image and rendering him the butt of many jokes. Clearly, these two need help. And good ol' Bernd is here to show them the way - but not before reprimanding them for their actions first!

Our first case involves one Kim Duthie, a 17-year old schoolgirl who in February 2011 claimed to have been involved in a drug and alcohol-fuelled affair with Ricky Nixon, a married sports agent for St Kilda AFL player and captain Nick Riewoldt. She had video evidence to prove it and had also talked to the AFL Players' Association (AFLPA) about the matter. The AFLPA bought her story and in March 2011, Nixon's player manager's licence was revoked.

During this past week, Duthie suddenly resurfaced and claimed that she made up the whole thing. There was no affair with Nixon, she apparently was doped when she spoke with the AFLPA and that the video of Nixon in her hotel room just in his underwear was taken after he stumbled in blind drunk and/or high, having being victimised by drink-spiking.
Nixon threatened to take action against the AFLPA and at least two media outlets and denied that he pressured Duthie into revealing her lie.
But it gets worse. While appearing as a guest on the Ten Network's The 7pm Project, Duthie, believing that her interview was over, claimed on camera that her latest revelations were a lie. She went on Twitter straight afterwards and said she was just joking, but it was too late. Once again, she made fools of us all - and did her already-tarnished image no favours.

Tsk, tsk. What a mess we have here eh? It all began with another sex scandal that made headlines, disappeared for a while, and then suddenly comes right back at us because one key player in the matter claims that it was all a hoax, and then suddenly, said key player claims to have lied about lying. And you thought that this crap only happened on TV! But seriously, I wonder how it must feel like to be Kim Duthie right now. I mean, we all know how Nixon must feel. His reputation has been flushed down the toilet, his career is all but over and I'm pretty sure his family would be having a hard time coping with it. As for Duthie, geez. Talk about forever damaging your personal image even before you reached adulthood! Just to let you know, dear readers, she was involved in another sex scandal in late 2010 when she published nude photos of several St Kilda football players (including Nixon's golden boy Nick Riewoldt) and claimed that she fell pregnant, then miscarried, with a St Kilda player. Yeah, sounds like a really bad soap opera. Hell, they just might turn this one into a really bad telemovie or musical one day!

The only solution I can give to Ms. Duthie is this: Move on and stay out of trouble. It'll be a long time before she can get the dreaded 'S'-word-that-rhymes-with-'cut' off her forehead, not to mention the 'liar' tag, so really she cannot afford to put a foot wrong. So Kim, for your own good, just be a good girl now and stop looking for trouble - because you now know first hand that not only will you be hurting other people, you're hurting yourself. And no, posing for Zoo Weekly once you're of age to so will not do you any favours, nor will trying to use this as an opportunity to get an acting job. Also, STOP LYING!!!!!! It's really that simple. Ever heard of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'? Well, it's true what Aesop preached with this fable - liars aren't believed, even when they're telling the truth.

Let's go to our second nutcase of the week, one Anthony David Wiener, US Democratic Congressman, MARRIED MAN and Twitter idiot. Sometime late last month, Wiener sent a photo through Twitter to one of his followers, a 21-year old female college student, depicting his erect penis bulging in his grey boxers. He quickly removed the image from his account, but it was too late. The image was leaked to a conservative blogger, who proceeded to post the picture onto his website (these things do have a weird way of getting out, don't they?). Naturally, the media started to ask questions but the best Wiener could do was complain that someone must have hacked into his account and stolen the pic. Hell, he even went as far as to suggest he was being set up, that the picture was not him, that it was doctored etc.

Finally, in June 6 2011, Wiener admitted that he had indeed sexted the woman in question, that he had been having online affairs with several others on Twitter, Facebook, e-mail and over the phone and that he was ashamed of himself for what he did. He also mentioned that his wife was supporting him through this tough time. It was also revealed that prior to his marriage in 2010, he was something of a ladies' man, dating some of New York's finest women. And then he married a long-time aide to Hilary Clinton. Funny how things work out.

Naturally, Wiener became a walking punchline. It's bad enough that he was caught with his pants down (pun fully intended), but his surname just added fuel to the fire. Stand-up comedians and late-night talk show hosts mocked him and media outlets crucified him. To add insult to injury, the House Ethics Committee threatened to investigate his sins and fellow congressmen, Democratic and Republican, called for his sacking. Fortunately, according to public opinion, many believed that while he may have behaved like a first-class moron, it shouldn't be a reason for him to step down.

First things first, Mr. Wiener (snicker!). Have you thought of getting your name changed? Ok, just kidding! Well the good news is that the general public don't feel he needs to step down so that could be a sign that there are people out there who are willing to forgive and forget. As for his fellow congressmen and the House Ethics Committee, I guess only time will tell whether or not their protests will affect his position. In the meantime, I suggest that Mr. Wiener lay off the social networking (obviously) and find a way to not just mend his image, but also patch things up with his family. Obviously, a scandal like this would not only humiliate him, but his family as well. Heck, I could just imagine his wife giving him a slap across the face after his press conference the same way Julianna Marguiles' character in 'The Good Wife' did to her cheating husband. And as for his personal image, I guess Wiener should just get on with his life and his job, give the public the impression that he has moved on from this sleazy chapter in his life while debate over his resignation rages on (I'm assuming it still is), but he should prepare for the unexpected.

Well, there you have it folks. Just one week and two separate, yet somehow similar scandals. Sex, lies and idiocy. You couldn't make it up! To Kim Duthie and Anthony Wiener, I wish you both the very best. Just please remember to keep your behaviour in check - because you both are now branded.

Planking: Another trend taken to idiot levels

Early last Sunday, a young man aged in his early 20's plunged to his death from his apartment's balcony. When I first heard this news the first thought that came to mind was 'how sad. Gone too soon.' But when I read the details surrounding his death, pity turned into disbelief. As it turns out, the man had been out drinking with friends and upon returning to his apartment, he decided he wanted his friend to take a photo of him 'planking' on his balcony's railing. Of course, he lost his balance and... well you get the point.

And all because of this new internet craze that they call 'planking'. You know how it works: You lie on your stomach with your hands by your sides and you get your photo taken. You then post this picture on the internet so that other people can admire your work. People usually pose in dangerous, daring settings. On top of cars, on rooftops, on railings, on treetops and I even saw one released in the news of a planker perched on a basketball hoop! Clearly, the more daring your position, the more 'cool points' you get from fellow plankers. I guess this particular guy wanted to prove to his friends and some people on the internet just how hard he is by planking on that railing but instead, he got a one-way ticket to the afterlife.

Naturally, the police spoke out against this craze, stating that plankers risk hurting themselves and that anyone caught planking in dangerous locations could be charged. This was the case some time last week, when a knucklehead was fined for planking on top of a police car.
Predictably, plankers laughed off the police warnings, with the so-called Brisbane Planking Association stating that while accidents do happen, cops should lay off and let people have their fun. But they also warned other plankers that they need to be careful with dangerous locations and not to mix planking with drinking.

It never ceases to amaze me how people can turn the most mundane activity into a potentially dangerous activity that can have dire consequences for the participant. This trend is nothing more than a glorified 'anything you can do, I can do better' competition. Can you just imagine what would happen if this trend continues? People are going to start taking things too far. What's next? Plankers on top of a moving airplane? Plankers on top of Mt. Everest? Plankers in the Great Barrier Reef? Plankers riding on a shark or a crocodile? Hell, what if in the future people start running out of ideas on planet earth and start begging Sir Richard Branson for a trip to the moon just to plank?

Is getting praise from fellow plankers really worth getting seriously hurt or worse? Sure, you may look like a big hero to like-minded folks, but to the general public, you just look like a knucklehead with too much time on their hands. Really, if you guys want to throw caution into the wind just for the sake of some false praise from people on the 'net that you're probably never going to meet, well go right ahead. Just don't start crying to your mommies when you get hurt really bad just because you fell off a tree or off a moving vehicle.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Not all plankers are idiots and planking, when it's done safely is ok. As it is with anything, as long as you don't overdo it, it's all good. But seriously, trying to pose on top of street lights, railings, moving vehicles, traffic lights and anywhere that could result in serious injuries is going too far. I do wonder, though. Had this trend taken off a couple of weeks earlier, wouldn't it have been funny to see a planker crash the Royal Wedding and attempt to plank on top of Prince William's head? Could have saved him from those unflattering photos!

People need to move on

When I read that singer Chris Brown threw a temper tantrum following an interview on Good Morning America sometime last week the first thought that sprang to mind was 'Oh no, here we go again!' As we all know, Brown assaulted then-girlfriend Rihanna in early 2009, causing her to miss the Grammys and tarnishing his reputation, seemingly for good. He managed to turn all that around, doing well in domestic violence classes and getting his career back on track, but then came that interview. During the interview, TV anchor Robin Roberts grilled him about his assault on Rihanna. Brown remained calm, stating that he had moved on but deep down he was fuming. He let it all out in his dressing room after the interview, when he ripped off his shirt, broke a window and confronted a producer, security and other staff members before storming out of the studio.

Ok, I don't condone the stuff he's done in the past, but people need to let him move on. He's already apologised for what he did, he served his punishment and just got his life back on track. Why bring that stuff up again!? God knows that I would get mad if people kept reminding me of the stupid things I did in the past over and over again. I think Brown made himself pretty clear on Twitter, stating that 'I am so over people bringing this past shit up! Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for their bullshit.' He took the message down minutes later and instead thanked his fans for their support. He does have a point. Sheen has done worse than Brown. Not only did he assault his wife, but he also put his kids' lives in danger, disrespected the creator, producers and co-stars of the TV show that made him millions and continues to behave like an idiot, humiliating himself and his family in the process, yet we don't crucify him for showing no remorse for his sins.

Maybe people are never going to forget the crime. After all, violence against women is a pretty serious offence. But provoking a guy with a known anger problem and causing him to snap is a pretty sick thing to do. Also, what about Rihanna? She's clearly put the incident behind her and bringing it up is not only a slap in the face for Brown, but also for the victim herself. Yes, it was a disgusting act on Brown's part and shame on him for doing it, but he's done his time and now it's time for us to let him move on. Just one piece of advice Chris, the Dennis Rodman look does not flatter you one bit. Blonde hair and tattoos, what the hell were you thinking!?

Saving Charlie

Some time last year, I wrote a blog about Mel Gibson and how his acts of idiocy could have potentially killed his career. Well, this year we have a new demented celeb making waves in the news headlines, Charlie Sheen. We all know the story: He started drinking, drugging and partying heavily, he beat up on his wife, he went on a rant about the man who owns the successful TV show he starred in, he was sacked from said TV show and since then he's become more known for his trash-talking than his acting career.


I guess he should be thankful that he could continue earning money from Two and a Half men should it continue running because it's pretty obvious that his acting career is in limbo right now and he doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. Maybe he just wants to live a life of leisure, debauchery and deviance but let's face it, people who live that kind of life don't last long in the media spotlight. When was the last time anyone really gave a damn about what Paris Hilton, Dennis Rodman and Katie Price were up to? Charlie could keep up the act for a while but eventually, people and the media will get bored with his antics and before he knows it, he will become just another has-been who had it all and pissed it all away. I doubt that a man like him, who has an ego the size of China would want that to happen.

Clearly, Charlie needs help. And good ol' Bernd is here to map out some other ways he could keep himself relevant.

1. Direct a Porn film

There are rumours circulating that Charlie might get involved in the porn business, and with the kind of company he keeps these days, who didn't see it coming? I guess he could direct some raunchy, all-female film and call it 'The Goddesses'. But Charlie, please treat your cast and crew with respect. You cannot afford to burn anymore bridges. And remember: violence against women is NOT cool.

2. Release a rap record

In the world of hip hop, feuding with other rappers seems to be a must and the more people you diss, the more fans you win, provided you do it right. With all the trash-talking that Charlie's doing, I'm actually surprised he hasn't released a rap song yet. I reckon that his ranting and dissing would sound a lot better if it was accompanied by beats and music and God knows he has a lot of people to write about. Call him an angry, psychopathic Taylor Swift, if you will. The way he thinks the song could very well be the hardest hitting diss track since Hit 'Em Up by 2pac. His 'rapper' alias could be 'MC Chuck' or even 'Chuck the drug'.

3. 'Charlie Sheen, the drug'

In one of his more memorable rants, Charlie mentioned that he was high on a drug called 'Charlie Sheen'. It certainly struck a chord. There's a Facebook page devoted to it. Perhaps Charlie could use it to his advantage. He could maybe lend his name and likeness to a line of clothes, accessories, skateboards, mugs, stationery etc devoted to the line or he could even endorse his own sex drug, 'The Charlie Sheen'. It could be a big threat to viagra - not only does it send your libido through the roof, but it also makes you energetic, brave and ballsy. Warning: Prolonged use can turn you into an argumentative, irrational, mean-spirited bully with an over-inflated sense of their self-worth.

4. Become a politician

Just because Charlie's had a history of substance abuse and run-ins with the law and call-girls doesn't mean he can't cut it as a politician. Who said they had to be saints in the first place? Adultery, alcoholism, corruption, general bad behaviour, many politicians have been busted for them and more. Besides, it's not like Charlie's completely illiterate when it comes to politics and philantrophy. In 2004, he was the spokesperson for Lee National Denim day and he contributes to AIDS charities. Heck, he believes that the 9/11 attacks was staged.

If Charlie does one day become a senator, governor or even President, it could be good for him since he'll actually have a real excuse for keeping his attitude in check. Sure, whenever a TV / movie star talks crap, they can turn to their publicists and make it all go away. But when a politician is caught behaving badly, it resonates for a long time. We all still remember what Bill Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky, and a lot of comedians out there still poke fun at George W. Bush. Could you imagine the media frenzy that would result in the news that the President had been caught with hookers in the Oval Office?

5. Turn his life into a musical

I had recommended this move to Mel Gibson, and now I'm also recommending it to Charlie. He's had a pretty interesting life of his own, growing up in a family of actors and becoming the most successful actor out of his siblings. He starred in many iconic films and TV shows, won many awards for his works and, during his time on Two and a Half Men was the highest paid actor on TV. Then he crashed, feuding with his wives and co-stars, partying, boozing, affairs with hookers and porn stars, general bad behaviour etc. Put that together and you have one hell of a musical. Everyone loves a celebrity train crash and right now, Charlie Sheen is the man of the hour. Who knows, maybe he and Chuck Lorre can help make it happen!

Well, that's about it. Hope is not really lost for Charlie Sheen. Sure, he'd probably look at this list and thumb his nose at it, but if he decides one day that living like a trash-talking, lazy, millionaire playboy is getting tired, there are options open for him to get back on his feet. In the meantime, enjoy your life, Charlie. For now, we'll be content sitting back and reading all about your oh-so-fabulous life, your 'goddesses' and your enemies.