Early last Sunday, a young man aged in his early 20's plunged to his death from his apartment's balcony. When I first heard this news the first thought that came to mind was 'how sad. Gone too soon.' But when I read the details surrounding his death, pity turned into disbelief. As it turns out, the man had been out drinking with friends and upon returning to his apartment, he decided he wanted his friend to take a photo of him 'planking' on his balcony's railing. Of course, he lost his balance and... well you get the point.
And all because of this new internet craze that they call 'planking'. You know how it works: You lie on your stomach with your hands by your sides and you get your photo taken. You then post this picture on the internet so that other people can admire your work. People usually pose in dangerous, daring settings. On top of cars, on rooftops, on railings, on treetops and I even saw one released in the news of a planker perched on a basketball hoop! Clearly, the more daring your position, the more 'cool points' you get from fellow plankers. I guess this particular guy wanted to prove to his friends and some people on the internet just how hard he is by planking on that railing but instead, he got a one-way ticket to the afterlife.
Naturally, the police spoke out against this craze, stating that plankers risk hurting themselves and that anyone caught planking in dangerous locations could be charged. This was the case some time last week, when a knucklehead was fined for planking on top of a police car.
Predictably, plankers laughed off the police warnings, with the so-called Brisbane Planking Association stating that while accidents do happen, cops should lay off and let people have their fun. But they also warned other plankers that they need to be careful with dangerous locations and not to mix planking with drinking.
It never ceases to amaze me how people can turn the most mundane activity into a potentially dangerous activity that can have dire consequences for the participant. This trend is nothing more than a glorified 'anything you can do, I can do better' competition. Can you just imagine what would happen if this trend continues? People are going to start taking things too far. What's next? Plankers on top of a moving airplane? Plankers on top of Mt. Everest? Plankers in the Great Barrier Reef? Plankers riding on a shark or a crocodile? Hell, what if in the future people start running out of ideas on planet earth and start begging Sir Richard Branson for a trip to the moon just to plank?
Is getting praise from fellow plankers really worth getting seriously hurt or worse? Sure, you may look like a big hero to like-minded folks, but to the general public, you just look like a knucklehead with too much time on their hands. Really, if you guys want to throw caution into the wind just for the sake of some false praise from people on the 'net that you're probably never going to meet, well go right ahead. Just don't start crying to your mommies when you get hurt really bad just because you fell off a tree or off a moving vehicle.
Maybe I'm being too harsh. Not all plankers are idiots and planking, when it's done safely is ok. As it is with anything, as long as you don't overdo it, it's all good. But seriously, trying to pose on top of street lights, railings, moving vehicles, traffic lights and anywhere that could result in serious injuries is going too far. I do wonder, though. Had this trend taken off a couple of weeks earlier, wouldn't it have been funny to see a planker crash the Royal Wedding and attempt to plank on top of Prince William's head? Could have saved him from those unflattering photos!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
People need to move on
When I read that singer Chris Brown threw a temper tantrum following an interview on Good Morning America sometime last week the first thought that sprang to mind was 'Oh no, here we go again!' As we all know, Brown assaulted then-girlfriend Rihanna in early 2009, causing her to miss the Grammys and tarnishing his reputation, seemingly for good. He managed to turn all that around, doing well in domestic violence classes and getting his career back on track, but then came that interview. During the interview, TV anchor Robin Roberts grilled him about his assault on Rihanna. Brown remained calm, stating that he had moved on but deep down he was fuming. He let it all out in his dressing room after the interview, when he ripped off his shirt, broke a window and confronted a producer, security and other staff members before storming out of the studio.
Ok, I don't condone the stuff he's done in the past, but people need to let him move on. He's already apologised for what he did, he served his punishment and just got his life back on track. Why bring that stuff up again!? God knows that I would get mad if people kept reminding me of the stupid things I did in the past over and over again. I think Brown made himself pretty clear on Twitter, stating that 'I am so over people bringing this past shit up! Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for their bullshit.' He took the message down minutes later and instead thanked his fans for their support. He does have a point. Sheen has done worse than Brown. Not only did he assault his wife, but he also put his kids' lives in danger, disrespected the creator, producers and co-stars of the TV show that made him millions and continues to behave like an idiot, humiliating himself and his family in the process, yet we don't crucify him for showing no remorse for his sins.
Maybe people are never going to forget the crime. After all, violence against women is a pretty serious offence. But provoking a guy with a known anger problem and causing him to snap is a pretty sick thing to do. Also, what about Rihanna? She's clearly put the incident behind her and bringing it up is not only a slap in the face for Brown, but also for the victim herself. Yes, it was a disgusting act on Brown's part and shame on him for doing it, but he's done his time and now it's time for us to let him move on. Just one piece of advice Chris, the Dennis Rodman look does not flatter you one bit. Blonde hair and tattoos, what the hell were you thinking!?
Ok, I don't condone the stuff he's done in the past, but people need to let him move on. He's already apologised for what he did, he served his punishment and just got his life back on track. Why bring that stuff up again!? God knows that I would get mad if people kept reminding me of the stupid things I did in the past over and over again. I think Brown made himself pretty clear on Twitter, stating that 'I am so over people bringing this past shit up! Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for their bullshit.' He took the message down minutes later and instead thanked his fans for their support. He does have a point. Sheen has done worse than Brown. Not only did he assault his wife, but he also put his kids' lives in danger, disrespected the creator, producers and co-stars of the TV show that made him millions and continues to behave like an idiot, humiliating himself and his family in the process, yet we don't crucify him for showing no remorse for his sins.
Maybe people are never going to forget the crime. After all, violence against women is a pretty serious offence. But provoking a guy with a known anger problem and causing him to snap is a pretty sick thing to do. Also, what about Rihanna? She's clearly put the incident behind her and bringing it up is not only a slap in the face for Brown, but also for the victim herself. Yes, it was a disgusting act on Brown's part and shame on him for doing it, but he's done his time and now it's time for us to let him move on. Just one piece of advice Chris, the Dennis Rodman look does not flatter you one bit. Blonde hair and tattoos, what the hell were you thinking!?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Saving Charlie
Some time last year, I wrote a blog about Mel Gibson and how his acts of idiocy could have potentially killed his career. Well, this year we have a new demented celeb making waves in the news headlines, Charlie Sheen. We all know the story: He started drinking, drugging and partying heavily, he beat up on his wife, he went on a rant about the man who owns the successful TV show he starred in, he was sacked from said TV show and since then he's become more known for his trash-talking than his acting career.
I guess he should be thankful that he could continue earning money from Two and a Half men should it continue running because it's pretty obvious that his acting career is in limbo right now and he doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. Maybe he just wants to live a life of leisure, debauchery and deviance but let's face it, people who live that kind of life don't last long in the media spotlight. When was the last time anyone really gave a damn about what Paris Hilton, Dennis Rodman and Katie Price were up to? Charlie could keep up the act for a while but eventually, people and the media will get bored with his antics and before he knows it, he will become just another has-been who had it all and pissed it all away. I doubt that a man like him, who has an ego the size of China would want that to happen.
Clearly, Charlie needs help. And good ol' Bernd is here to map out some other ways he could keep himself relevant.
1. Direct a Porn film
There are rumours circulating that Charlie might get involved in the porn business, and with the kind of company he keeps these days, who didn't see it coming? I guess he could direct some raunchy, all-female film and call it 'The Goddesses'. But Charlie, please treat your cast and crew with respect. You cannot afford to burn anymore bridges. And remember: violence against women is NOT cool.
2. Release a rap record
In the world of hip hop, feuding with other rappers seems to be a must and the more people you diss, the more fans you win, provided you do it right. With all the trash-talking that Charlie's doing, I'm actually surprised he hasn't released a rap song yet. I reckon that his ranting and dissing would sound a lot better if it was accompanied by beats and music and God knows he has a lot of people to write about. Call him an angry, psychopathic Taylor Swift, if you will. The way he thinks the song could very well be the hardest hitting diss track since Hit 'Em Up by 2pac. His 'rapper' alias could be 'MC Chuck' or even 'Chuck the drug'.
3. 'Charlie Sheen, the drug'
In one of his more memorable rants, Charlie mentioned that he was high on a drug called 'Charlie Sheen'. It certainly struck a chord. There's a Facebook page devoted to it. Perhaps Charlie could use it to his advantage. He could maybe lend his name and likeness to a line of clothes, accessories, skateboards, mugs, stationery etc devoted to the line or he could even endorse his own sex drug, 'The Charlie Sheen'. It could be a big threat to viagra - not only does it send your libido through the roof, but it also makes you energetic, brave and ballsy. Warning: Prolonged use can turn you into an argumentative, irrational, mean-spirited bully with an over-inflated sense of their self-worth.
4. Become a politician
Just because Charlie's had a history of substance abuse and run-ins with the law and call-girls doesn't mean he can't cut it as a politician. Who said they had to be saints in the first place? Adultery, alcoholism, corruption, general bad behaviour, many politicians have been busted for them and more. Besides, it's not like Charlie's completely illiterate when it comes to politics and philantrophy. In 2004, he was the spokesperson for Lee National Denim day and he contributes to AIDS charities. Heck, he believes that the 9/11 attacks was staged.
If Charlie does one day become a senator, governor or even President, it could be good for him since he'll actually have a real excuse for keeping his attitude in check. Sure, whenever a TV / movie star talks crap, they can turn to their publicists and make it all go away. But when a politician is caught behaving badly, it resonates for a long time. We all still remember what Bill Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky, and a lot of comedians out there still poke fun at George W. Bush. Could you imagine the media frenzy that would result in the news that the President had been caught with hookers in the Oval Office?
5. Turn his life into a musical
I had recommended this move to Mel Gibson, and now I'm also recommending it to Charlie. He's had a pretty interesting life of his own, growing up in a family of actors and becoming the most successful actor out of his siblings. He starred in many iconic films and TV shows, won many awards for his works and, during his time on Two and a Half Men was the highest paid actor on TV. Then he crashed, feuding with his wives and co-stars, partying, boozing, affairs with hookers and porn stars, general bad behaviour etc. Put that together and you have one hell of a musical. Everyone loves a celebrity train crash and right now, Charlie Sheen is the man of the hour. Who knows, maybe he and Chuck Lorre can help make it happen!
Well, that's about it. Hope is not really lost for Charlie Sheen. Sure, he'd probably look at this list and thumb his nose at it, but if he decides one day that living like a trash-talking, lazy, millionaire playboy is getting tired, there are options open for him to get back on his feet. In the meantime, enjoy your life, Charlie. For now, we'll be content sitting back and reading all about your oh-so-fabulous life, your 'goddesses' and your enemies.
I guess he should be thankful that he could continue earning money from Two and a Half men should it continue running because it's pretty obvious that his acting career is in limbo right now and he doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. Maybe he just wants to live a life of leisure, debauchery and deviance but let's face it, people who live that kind of life don't last long in the media spotlight. When was the last time anyone really gave a damn about what Paris Hilton, Dennis Rodman and Katie Price were up to? Charlie could keep up the act for a while but eventually, people and the media will get bored with his antics and before he knows it, he will become just another has-been who had it all and pissed it all away. I doubt that a man like him, who has an ego the size of China would want that to happen.
Clearly, Charlie needs help. And good ol' Bernd is here to map out some other ways he could keep himself relevant.
1. Direct a Porn film
There are rumours circulating that Charlie might get involved in the porn business, and with the kind of company he keeps these days, who didn't see it coming? I guess he could direct some raunchy, all-female film and call it 'The Goddesses'. But Charlie, please treat your cast and crew with respect. You cannot afford to burn anymore bridges. And remember: violence against women is NOT cool.
2. Release a rap record
In the world of hip hop, feuding with other rappers seems to be a must and the more people you diss, the more fans you win, provided you do it right. With all the trash-talking that Charlie's doing, I'm actually surprised he hasn't released a rap song yet. I reckon that his ranting and dissing would sound a lot better if it was accompanied by beats and music and God knows he has a lot of people to write about. Call him an angry, psychopathic Taylor Swift, if you will. The way he thinks the song could very well be the hardest hitting diss track since Hit 'Em Up by 2pac. His 'rapper' alias could be 'MC Chuck' or even 'Chuck the drug'.
3. 'Charlie Sheen, the drug'
In one of his more memorable rants, Charlie mentioned that he was high on a drug called 'Charlie Sheen'. It certainly struck a chord. There's a Facebook page devoted to it. Perhaps Charlie could use it to his advantage. He could maybe lend his name and likeness to a line of clothes, accessories, skateboards, mugs, stationery etc devoted to the line or he could even endorse his own sex drug, 'The Charlie Sheen'. It could be a big threat to viagra - not only does it send your libido through the roof, but it also makes you energetic, brave and ballsy. Warning: Prolonged use can turn you into an argumentative, irrational, mean-spirited bully with an over-inflated sense of their self-worth.
4. Become a politician
Just because Charlie's had a history of substance abuse and run-ins with the law and call-girls doesn't mean he can't cut it as a politician. Who said they had to be saints in the first place? Adultery, alcoholism, corruption, general bad behaviour, many politicians have been busted for them and more. Besides, it's not like Charlie's completely illiterate when it comes to politics and philantrophy. In 2004, he was the spokesperson for Lee National Denim day and he contributes to AIDS charities. Heck, he believes that the 9/11 attacks was staged.
If Charlie does one day become a senator, governor or even President, it could be good for him since he'll actually have a real excuse for keeping his attitude in check. Sure, whenever a TV / movie star talks crap, they can turn to their publicists and make it all go away. But when a politician is caught behaving badly, it resonates for a long time. We all still remember what Bill Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky, and a lot of comedians out there still poke fun at George W. Bush. Could you imagine the media frenzy that would result in the news that the President had been caught with hookers in the Oval Office?
5. Turn his life into a musical
I had recommended this move to Mel Gibson, and now I'm also recommending it to Charlie. He's had a pretty interesting life of his own, growing up in a family of actors and becoming the most successful actor out of his siblings. He starred in many iconic films and TV shows, won many awards for his works and, during his time on Two and a Half Men was the highest paid actor on TV. Then he crashed, feuding with his wives and co-stars, partying, boozing, affairs with hookers and porn stars, general bad behaviour etc. Put that together and you have one hell of a musical. Everyone loves a celebrity train crash and right now, Charlie Sheen is the man of the hour. Who knows, maybe he and Chuck Lorre can help make it happen!
Well, that's about it. Hope is not really lost for Charlie Sheen. Sure, he'd probably look at this list and thumb his nose at it, but if he decides one day that living like a trash-talking, lazy, millionaire playboy is getting tired, there are options open for him to get back on his feet. In the meantime, enjoy your life, Charlie. For now, we'll be content sitting back and reading all about your oh-so-fabulous life, your 'goddesses' and your enemies.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Career Aspirations
Like many people, I had some rather unusual career choices as a kid. You know how it is, you see and hear things on TV, radio, books etc and you decide 'hey, that looks like fun! I wanna do that when I grow up!'
That train of thought wasn't lost on me. I had some pretty weird and wonderful ambitions when I was young. Some were pretty reasonable, others were a little strange while others were just ridiculous. Allow me to share some of them.
1. Police Officer
I was a fan of shoot-em-up games when I was young, so much so that it's a miracle I didn't grow up to be a serial killer. Anyway, I thought being a cop was a fun, rewarding career. You save people's lives, you put bad guys behind bars, you get to wear a cool uniform, you carry a gun, you get to shoot bad guys once in a while, it was something I thought I wanted to do....until my friend at school put that ambition to rest when he told me 'you do realise that people die on the job right?'
2. Fire fighter
Ok, this one really only sprang to mind because when I was young, one of my favourite toys was a miniature fire truck. Otherwise, it didn't develop into a serious career choice.
3. Palaeontologist
I was a real nerd when I was young and like most of them, I was fascinated by dinosaurs as a kid. Naturally, I thought that it would be great if I could make a living digging their bones up, studying them and naming them. Unfortunately, that ambition faded too, mainly because I discovered that I sucked in science and so the Berndtoacrispasaurus remains non-existent.
4. Artist
I can't draw to save my life, but as a kid, I was good at it. As far as child-level drawings went I was quite good, and it was a real boost for my then-limited ego whenever some of my classmates asked for my assistance when it came to drawing. 'You should be an artist, dude!' they'd say in admiration. Well, I'll bet those same folks wouldn't be telling me that now. I'd probably be the only artist dumb enough to try passing off stick figures on a blank canvas as a classic.
5. Superhero
Admit it, some of you people out there once aspired to be a superhero at one stage of your lives! I was a huge fan of cartoons as a kid, with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Batman and Superman among my favourite superheroes. But I think it was Superman that I wanted to be like the most. I mean, he can fly, he can leap tall buildings in a single bound, he's the man of steel, he's good-looking, has a girlfriend....all that despite not knowing that underwear goes inside the pants. Put it this way; my parents used to tell me that Superheroes were strong because they ate vegetables every day. As a result, I never had an issue with them!
6. Actor
Another career choice that I'm sure everyone has contemplated one way or another. For me, I just figured that since I had a knack for impersonating people and enjoyed entertaining my classmates by trying to be a class clown (though I think they were laughing at me rather than with me) I might as well get paid for it. Let's face it; many actors out there aren't even good at what they do so I thought 'hmm...how hard can it be?' Well, now I know that it's pretty damn hard. For one thing, I'm a pretty private person so I'd probably spend most of my career locked up behind bars for assaulting paparazzi. I'd probably spend my free time getting drunk or stoned 24/7 while partying with porn stars. That or I'd show up on sets, not bother to learn my lines and get bored and piss my career away. How do Alec Baldwin, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan sleep at night!?
7. Professional Video Game player.
Whenever I look back on this career choice I get pissed off. I was a serious gamer when I was young, so much so that it forever ruined my eyesight (I think) and contributed greatly to my weight gain as a child. My folks even dryly told me one time that 'if video gaming was a career, you'd be a millionaire'. This was the 90's, people and as far as I knew, it wasn't something you can make a living out of at the time.
Well, I gave up the games some 6 or 7 years ago and now I know that you CAN make a living as a pro video game player. WHERE THE HELL WAS THIS WHEN I WAS A KID HUH!!!???? All the time that people made fun of me for not being an athlete I could've put them in their place by earning millions as a pro gamer. Too late to start now, though. I haven't played in a long time and have lost touch with the gaming world. Hell, I don't even know the latest console that everyone is flogging these days. Just goes to show that sometimes you shouldn't give up on your ambitions!
Well, there you have it. As you can see, I had some pretty big dreams as a kid. Kinda funny how young minds work eh? Oh well, been nice sharing with you all, I'm out for now.
That train of thought wasn't lost on me. I had some pretty weird and wonderful ambitions when I was young. Some were pretty reasonable, others were a little strange while others were just ridiculous. Allow me to share some of them.
1. Police Officer
I was a fan of shoot-em-up games when I was young, so much so that it's a miracle I didn't grow up to be a serial killer. Anyway, I thought being a cop was a fun, rewarding career. You save people's lives, you put bad guys behind bars, you get to wear a cool uniform, you carry a gun, you get to shoot bad guys once in a while, it was something I thought I wanted to do....until my friend at school put that ambition to rest when he told me 'you do realise that people die on the job right?'
2. Fire fighter
Ok, this one really only sprang to mind because when I was young, one of my favourite toys was a miniature fire truck. Otherwise, it didn't develop into a serious career choice.
3. Palaeontologist
I was a real nerd when I was young and like most of them, I was fascinated by dinosaurs as a kid. Naturally, I thought that it would be great if I could make a living digging their bones up, studying them and naming them. Unfortunately, that ambition faded too, mainly because I discovered that I sucked in science and so the Berndtoacrispasaurus remains non-existent.
4. Artist
I can't draw to save my life, but as a kid, I was good at it. As far as child-level drawings went I was quite good, and it was a real boost for my then-limited ego whenever some of my classmates asked for my assistance when it came to drawing. 'You should be an artist, dude!' they'd say in admiration. Well, I'll bet those same folks wouldn't be telling me that now. I'd probably be the only artist dumb enough to try passing off stick figures on a blank canvas as a classic.
5. Superhero
Admit it, some of you people out there once aspired to be a superhero at one stage of your lives! I was a huge fan of cartoons as a kid, with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Batman and Superman among my favourite superheroes. But I think it was Superman that I wanted to be like the most. I mean, he can fly, he can leap tall buildings in a single bound, he's the man of steel, he's good-looking, has a girlfriend....all that despite not knowing that underwear goes inside the pants. Put it this way; my parents used to tell me that Superheroes were strong because they ate vegetables every day. As a result, I never had an issue with them!
6. Actor
Another career choice that I'm sure everyone has contemplated one way or another. For me, I just figured that since I had a knack for impersonating people and enjoyed entertaining my classmates by trying to be a class clown (though I think they were laughing at me rather than with me) I might as well get paid for it. Let's face it; many actors out there aren't even good at what they do so I thought 'hmm...how hard can it be?' Well, now I know that it's pretty damn hard. For one thing, I'm a pretty private person so I'd probably spend most of my career locked up behind bars for assaulting paparazzi. I'd probably spend my free time getting drunk or stoned 24/7 while partying with porn stars. That or I'd show up on sets, not bother to learn my lines and get bored and piss my career away. How do Alec Baldwin, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan sleep at night!?
7. Professional Video Game player.
Whenever I look back on this career choice I get pissed off. I was a serious gamer when I was young, so much so that it forever ruined my eyesight (I think) and contributed greatly to my weight gain as a child. My folks even dryly told me one time that 'if video gaming was a career, you'd be a millionaire'. This was the 90's, people and as far as I knew, it wasn't something you can make a living out of at the time.
Well, I gave up the games some 6 or 7 years ago and now I know that you CAN make a living as a pro video game player. WHERE THE HELL WAS THIS WHEN I WAS A KID HUH!!!???? All the time that people made fun of me for not being an athlete I could've put them in their place by earning millions as a pro gamer. Too late to start now, though. I haven't played in a long time and have lost touch with the gaming world. Hell, I don't even know the latest console that everyone is flogging these days. Just goes to show that sometimes you shouldn't give up on your ambitions!
Well, there you have it. As you can see, I had some pretty big dreams as a kid. Kinda funny how young minds work eh? Oh well, been nice sharing with you all, I'm out for now.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Get over it
If Ricky Gervais never hosts an awards show again Hollywood should hang its head in shame. Not only because they'd be denying a genuinely funny guy another chance to show off his skills in front of a large group of celebrities, but also because they'll be admitting defeat and proving that they really don't have a sense of humour.
Long story short, he hosted the Golden Globes this week and ended up pissing off a whole lot of people. Many actors walked out of the ceremony angry and most US media outlets called him a prick. Robert Downey jr told the media that Ricky had gone too far and that he preferred jokes that 'doesn't have to make people feel bad'. Well that's all well and good, Bobby, but to you I say respectfully, harden up, mate. Are you and some of your fellow thespians really that uptight that you're willing to have a go at some dude who was paid to dish out as many jokes as he could muster that night? The comedian who tells jokes are the heart of the ceremony as far as I'm concerned (Well, to some people it's the outfits and the awards themselves, but A: fashion is always changing and B: Who cares! The results are often fixed anyway). The comedian's job is to tell as many jokes as they can about the show that they're hosting, and if they're done at your expense, well it sucks but tomorrow's another day, and it's not meant to be taken seriously, let alone personally. And if they're making fun of some stupid thing you did in your past and you can't take it, well then it's too damned bad. You just can't handle the truth. I don't hear Mel Gibson complaining about how Ricky made fun of his recent behaviour. Ditto Charlie Sheen. If these guys who have fallen from grace can take the joke why can't you? (Of course, there's the possibility that Mel and Chuck were probably sitting in a jail cell or sleeping off another bender and therefore wouldn't have been aware of what happened).
Speaking of which, did it not occur to some of these people that Ricky was just telling the truth? Among his most brutal jokes was that The Tourist was a crap film and that famous Scientologists were gay. Well, I can't really speak for The Tourist since I haven't seen it, but most reviews I've read have given it failing marks and my friends who have seen it say it's the biggest waste of time and money they've ever seen. Angie and Johnny's acting was apparently so wooden that termites would've salivated while watching it. As for that Scientologist crack, it's brutal, it's tasteless, but remember the gay rumours that surrounded John Travolta? Might have stemmed from that. And as for the jokes about Downey jr's rehab and jail history, Sheen's partying, Gibson's DUI's and other controversies, well they are facts, fellas, so don't be whining and crying to the media that Ricky was picking on you, all he did was simply tell the truth about your past misdemeanours (and in the case of the latter, their present misdemeanours).
Maybe some of Ricky's jokes did cross the line, but what kind of comedian doesn't do that once in a while? He did what he had to do to make the Golden Globes interesting and if it had to come to the stuff he spouted off during the Golden Globes, then so be it. It's not like he made those jokes out of malice. Hollywood and its stars need to get over themselves. Can you imagine how boring the awards show would've been without him? As he put it after the ceremony: 'For three hours every year, Hollywood is scared of me. It's great!'
Amen to that, Ricky.
Long story short, he hosted the Golden Globes this week and ended up pissing off a whole lot of people. Many actors walked out of the ceremony angry and most US media outlets called him a prick. Robert Downey jr told the media that Ricky had gone too far and that he preferred jokes that 'doesn't have to make people feel bad'. Well that's all well and good, Bobby, but to you I say respectfully, harden up, mate. Are you and some of your fellow thespians really that uptight that you're willing to have a go at some dude who was paid to dish out as many jokes as he could muster that night? The comedian who tells jokes are the heart of the ceremony as far as I'm concerned (Well, to some people it's the outfits and the awards themselves, but A: fashion is always changing and B: Who cares! The results are often fixed anyway). The comedian's job is to tell as many jokes as they can about the show that they're hosting, and if they're done at your expense, well it sucks but tomorrow's another day, and it's not meant to be taken seriously, let alone personally. And if they're making fun of some stupid thing you did in your past and you can't take it, well then it's too damned bad. You just can't handle the truth. I don't hear Mel Gibson complaining about how Ricky made fun of his recent behaviour. Ditto Charlie Sheen. If these guys who have fallen from grace can take the joke why can't you? (Of course, there's the possibility that Mel and Chuck were probably sitting in a jail cell or sleeping off another bender and therefore wouldn't have been aware of what happened).
Speaking of which, did it not occur to some of these people that Ricky was just telling the truth? Among his most brutal jokes was that The Tourist was a crap film and that famous Scientologists were gay. Well, I can't really speak for The Tourist since I haven't seen it, but most reviews I've read have given it failing marks and my friends who have seen it say it's the biggest waste of time and money they've ever seen. Angie and Johnny's acting was apparently so wooden that termites would've salivated while watching it. As for that Scientologist crack, it's brutal, it's tasteless, but remember the gay rumours that surrounded John Travolta? Might have stemmed from that. And as for the jokes about Downey jr's rehab and jail history, Sheen's partying, Gibson's DUI's and other controversies, well they are facts, fellas, so don't be whining and crying to the media that Ricky was picking on you, all he did was simply tell the truth about your past misdemeanours (and in the case of the latter, their present misdemeanours).
Maybe some of Ricky's jokes did cross the line, but what kind of comedian doesn't do that once in a while? He did what he had to do to make the Golden Globes interesting and if it had to come to the stuff he spouted off during the Golden Globes, then so be it. It's not like he made those jokes out of malice. Hollywood and its stars need to get over themselves. Can you imagine how boring the awards show would've been without him? As he put it after the ceremony: 'For three hours every year, Hollywood is scared of me. It's great!'
Amen to that, Ricky.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Songs that drove me crazy this year
Ok, it's the end of the year and once again, everyone is discussing what's been the best songs on the radio this year. That's all well and good, but what about the other end of the spectrum? What about giving a shout-out to the songs that make you want to tear your ears off? Here are, in my opinion, the five worst songs I've heard all year.
Note: This list is based on my opinion only and is not meant to offend anyone.
1. 'Alejandro' (Lady Gaga)
Let my just start off by saying that I have nothing against Stefani Germanotta. She writes her own songs, she dresses however she damn well feels like and isn't afraid to speak her mind. And I'll also admit that I do like some of her songs. That said, Alejandro isn't one of them. I understand that she wants to add some Spanish flavour to her music, but this was not the way to go. In my opinion, she sounds like a try-hard. When I first heard this song the first thoughts that came to mind were 'What's with the fake accent, Gaga?' and 'Ok, are you actually in love with Alejandro, Roberto or Fernando?' Plus, I heard that the music video was tasteless.
2. 'Baby' (Justin Bieber)
Depdending who you ask, this song is either catchy or irritating. I tend to go with the latter. It's a good thing that the radio didn't play this song much because seriously, every time I hear it I just think 'Yeah, like people are supposed to find the idea of a six-year old boy lusting after a girl heartwarming'. What's that you say? HE'S SIXTEEN!!!??? Wow! Could've fooled me! Even Ludacris' appearance didn't help. And can I just say, if Justin and Miley Cyrus were to ever do a duet together, I'd have a hard time trying to figure out who the male or female voice is.
3. 'The Time' (Black Eyed Peas)
The Peas are usually good with fun, catchy hip hop songs but this one missed the mark. How this abomination made it to the top of the charts is beyond me. It's bad enough that it has pretty lame lyrics and generic beats, but to massacre a classic? Sheesh! Gen X'ers probably fume while listening to this turkey! Who could forget that irritating chorus? 'I've (i've)...had...the time of my li-i-i-fe...and I've never felt this way before (fore)...And I swear (swear)...this is true (ue, ue)....And I owe it all to you, you, you, you....dirty bit!...dirty bit!' No wonder many critics decided it was the worst song of the year. To make it worse, this was one of the most over-played songs of the year. Someone change the station!!!
4. 'Cooler than me' (Mike Posner)
Okay, I love a good 'you're such a stuck up bitch it's pathetic' type of song, and the lyrics are hard-hitting and honest, but the tune and the delivery lets it down. Sure, some people might find it catchy and upbeat, but come on! This guy's supposed to be telling a girl that he's okay with her thinking that he's not worth her time because he knows just what a big snob she is. Shouldn't he be more aggressive and assertive with his delivery, rather than soft and wussy? If you delivered a similar message to a person in their face like this they'd probably laugh at you. If you want to hear a 'f**k you' style song delivered as brutally as possible while managing to stay upbeat, I suggest listening to Cee-Lo Green.
5. 'Blah blah blah' (Kesha)
'Zip your lips like a padlock'. Just a lyrical sample from this dud. The problem with Kesha is she tries to pull off that whole 'I am who I am and I don't care what you think about me,' but unlike Lady Gaga and Katy Perry she just sounds annoying. I mean, all her songs sound the same. You know the kind: Background music that sounds like an annoying mobile phone ringtone, sing-songy rap style that sounds autotuned, the same old themes about partying, gettingwasted (usually on Jack Daniel's) and wanting to have sex with some random guy over and over again. But out of all the 'hits' she's churned out, this is easily the worst. The title alone is uninspiring. And as for the lyrics...a two-year old can come up with more poetic lyrics than this. As far as I'm concerned, Kesha could go and dance in the club with no pants on and down one bottle of Jack after another while cranking up the jukebox if she wants. Just leave the rest of us alone!
Note: This list is based on my opinion only and is not meant to offend anyone.
1. 'Alejandro' (Lady Gaga)
Let my just start off by saying that I have nothing against Stefani Germanotta. She writes her own songs, she dresses however she damn well feels like and isn't afraid to speak her mind. And I'll also admit that I do like some of her songs. That said, Alejandro isn't one of them. I understand that she wants to add some Spanish flavour to her music, but this was not the way to go. In my opinion, she sounds like a try-hard. When I first heard this song the first thoughts that came to mind were 'What's with the fake accent, Gaga?' and 'Ok, are you actually in love with Alejandro, Roberto or Fernando?' Plus, I heard that the music video was tasteless.
2. 'Baby' (Justin Bieber)
Depdending who you ask, this song is either catchy or irritating. I tend to go with the latter. It's a good thing that the radio didn't play this song much because seriously, every time I hear it I just think 'Yeah, like people are supposed to find the idea of a six-year old boy lusting after a girl heartwarming'. What's that you say? HE'S SIXTEEN!!!??? Wow! Could've fooled me! Even Ludacris' appearance didn't help. And can I just say, if Justin and Miley Cyrus were to ever do a duet together, I'd have a hard time trying to figure out who the male or female voice is.
3. 'The Time' (Black Eyed Peas)
The Peas are usually good with fun, catchy hip hop songs but this one missed the mark. How this abomination made it to the top of the charts is beyond me. It's bad enough that it has pretty lame lyrics and generic beats, but to massacre a classic? Sheesh! Gen X'ers probably fume while listening to this turkey! Who could forget that irritating chorus? 'I've (i've)...had...the time of my li-i-i-fe...and I've never felt this way before (fore)...And I swear (swear)...this is true (ue, ue)....And I owe it all to you, you, you, you....dirty bit!...dirty bit!' No wonder many critics decided it was the worst song of the year. To make it worse, this was one of the most over-played songs of the year. Someone change the station!!!
4. 'Cooler than me' (Mike Posner)
Okay, I love a good 'you're such a stuck up bitch it's pathetic' type of song, and the lyrics are hard-hitting and honest, but the tune and the delivery lets it down. Sure, some people might find it catchy and upbeat, but come on! This guy's supposed to be telling a girl that he's okay with her thinking that he's not worth her time because he knows just what a big snob she is. Shouldn't he be more aggressive and assertive with his delivery, rather than soft and wussy? If you delivered a similar message to a person in their face like this they'd probably laugh at you. If you want to hear a 'f**k you' style song delivered as brutally as possible while managing to stay upbeat, I suggest listening to Cee-Lo Green.
5. 'Blah blah blah' (Kesha)
'Zip your lips like a padlock'. Just a lyrical sample from this dud. The problem with Kesha is she tries to pull off that whole 'I am who I am and I don't care what you think about me,' but unlike Lady Gaga and Katy Perry she just sounds annoying. I mean, all her songs sound the same. You know the kind: Background music that sounds like an annoying mobile phone ringtone, sing-songy rap style that sounds autotuned, the same old themes about partying, gettingwasted (usually on Jack Daniel's) and wanting to have sex with some random guy over and over again. But out of all the 'hits' she's churned out, this is easily the worst. The title alone is uninspiring. And as for the lyrics...a two-year old can come up with more poetic lyrics than this. As far as I'm concerned, Kesha could go and dance in the club with no pants on and down one bottle of Jack after another while cranking up the jukebox if she wants. Just leave the rest of us alone!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Joel Monaghan, the NRL and acts of extreme idiocy
There are many ways to lose your job. Breaking things, misbehaving, bullying others, talking crap to your superiors, slacking off...there's quite a lot you can do to get fired.
Thanks to Joel Monaghan, we now have another act that you can add to that list.
Simulated bestiality.
You see, during the week, a photo of Canberra Raiders player Joel Monaghan made the rounds in twitter, showing him in a sexual position with a dog. The photo was believed to have been taken during the Raiders' 'Mad Monday' celebrations and there is the possibility that Joel was drunk at the time. The photo found its way to animal welfare groups and then to the Raiders' CEO Don Furner. The club will now investigate the matter, and there is a possibility that Joel can face the sack.
Before I get into this 'tragedy', I must ask what kind of friends does this bloke think he has? With friends like these, who needs enemies? Anyone with a grain of sense knows that images such as this will offend many people, not just animal welfare groups, and yet these knuckleheads had the nerve to release the pics and ruin their mate's reputation.
Ok, got that out of my chest. It's time to lay in on this story. Clearly, this is another 'own goal' for the NRL. Ever notice how whenever NRL players run afoul of the law it's usually due to the most disgusting, most despicable, most IDIOTIC of crimes? Ok, athletes are only human and they will make mistakes like normal people. Stories about athletes being busted for DUI's, adultery, drugs and assault is pretty common. Getting into trouble for unsettling sex acts, weapons charges, gang activity and other illegal activities is a little more disturbing.
But with NRL stars, it's everything I've mentioned and a lot more, usually on the zany side. I'm talking over-exposure, giving random strangers 'golden showers' at clubs, setting people on fire, using walls and street corners as urinals, using hotel corridors as potties, and now, it seems, zoophilia. I'd say that maybe it's because these blokes have to take heavy hits to the head and body during games, but if brain damage is the reason, then a). why are they still playing and b). why is it that you don't hear about combat athletes doing the same things?
Maybe alcohol's to blame. After all, most of the NRL 'crimes' I mentioned above were alcohol-fuelled and intoxication usually leads to acts that you'd rather forget and the same can be said of NRL players. Like I said before, they're only human. So I guess you can make the argument that perhaps NRL players should be banned from drinking right? Wrong. Can you just imagine the mutiny that would occur if these blokes were kept away from their booze? They may be professional athletes but trying to keep a man from his booze is like trying to take a bone away from a dog. Instead, I reckon that they should be given a lesson of self-discipline and correct conduct. Let them know that if they want to go out drinking, getting drunk and behaving like animals is NOT an option. They're supposed to be professional athletes, for crying out loud! They're not supposed to be getting wasted while season is in play.
Also, these guys need to be aware that kids look up to them and so it is their duty to make sure that they present a respectable image. Can you imagine a kid running up to their parents and telling them that they want to be just like that bloke in the news who got drunk, pissed on someone, assaulted his partner, took a dump in a hotel lobby and then ran through the streets naked after fondling a cat? Not the ideal role model aint they? Hence, they should be made aware of this fact. And unless they're stupid, it should sink into their heads.
Finally, reminding them once in a while that they are representing their club and their league and therefore it is up to them to treat it with respect. How the hell is it going to look to the fans when their favourite players are acting this way? I had a conversation with a couple of friends at work on this story, and one lamented that Joel was his son's idol and so couldn't believe that he'd do such a thing, while my other mate told me bluntly that Joel had better start looking for a new line of work.
This is not to say that all NRL players are scum. Some guys like Nathan Hindmarsh, Brett Kimmorley, Ben Hannant, Jarryd Hayne and Hazem El Masri treated the game and themselves with respect. But for guys like Joel Monaghan who think it's funny to do what he did and other acts of idiocy, it's time you guys took a long hard look at yourselves and what you've done and ask yourselves if it's worth it. Would you rather be remembered as a great player who treated the game with respect, or as a great player but an even greater dick head?
Thanks to Joel Monaghan, we now have another act that you can add to that list.
Simulated bestiality.
You see, during the week, a photo of Canberra Raiders player Joel Monaghan made the rounds in twitter, showing him in a sexual position with a dog. The photo was believed to have been taken during the Raiders' 'Mad Monday' celebrations and there is the possibility that Joel was drunk at the time. The photo found its way to animal welfare groups and then to the Raiders' CEO Don Furner. The club will now investigate the matter, and there is a possibility that Joel can face the sack.
Before I get into this 'tragedy', I must ask what kind of friends does this bloke think he has? With friends like these, who needs enemies? Anyone with a grain of sense knows that images such as this will offend many people, not just animal welfare groups, and yet these knuckleheads had the nerve to release the pics and ruin their mate's reputation.
Ok, got that out of my chest. It's time to lay in on this story. Clearly, this is another 'own goal' for the NRL. Ever notice how whenever NRL players run afoul of the law it's usually due to the most disgusting, most despicable, most IDIOTIC of crimes? Ok, athletes are only human and they will make mistakes like normal people. Stories about athletes being busted for DUI's, adultery, drugs and assault is pretty common. Getting into trouble for unsettling sex acts, weapons charges, gang activity and other illegal activities is a little more disturbing.
But with NRL stars, it's everything I've mentioned and a lot more, usually on the zany side. I'm talking over-exposure, giving random strangers 'golden showers' at clubs, setting people on fire, using walls and street corners as urinals, using hotel corridors as potties, and now, it seems, zoophilia. I'd say that maybe it's because these blokes have to take heavy hits to the head and body during games, but if brain damage is the reason, then a). why are they still playing and b). why is it that you don't hear about combat athletes doing the same things?
Maybe alcohol's to blame. After all, most of the NRL 'crimes' I mentioned above were alcohol-fuelled and intoxication usually leads to acts that you'd rather forget and the same can be said of NRL players. Like I said before, they're only human. So I guess you can make the argument that perhaps NRL players should be banned from drinking right? Wrong. Can you just imagine the mutiny that would occur if these blokes were kept away from their booze? They may be professional athletes but trying to keep a man from his booze is like trying to take a bone away from a dog. Instead, I reckon that they should be given a lesson of self-discipline and correct conduct. Let them know that if they want to go out drinking, getting drunk and behaving like animals is NOT an option. They're supposed to be professional athletes, for crying out loud! They're not supposed to be getting wasted while season is in play.
Also, these guys need to be aware that kids look up to them and so it is their duty to make sure that they present a respectable image. Can you imagine a kid running up to their parents and telling them that they want to be just like that bloke in the news who got drunk, pissed on someone, assaulted his partner, took a dump in a hotel lobby and then ran through the streets naked after fondling a cat? Not the ideal role model aint they? Hence, they should be made aware of this fact. And unless they're stupid, it should sink into their heads.
Finally, reminding them once in a while that they are representing their club and their league and therefore it is up to them to treat it with respect. How the hell is it going to look to the fans when their favourite players are acting this way? I had a conversation with a couple of friends at work on this story, and one lamented that Joel was his son's idol and so couldn't believe that he'd do such a thing, while my other mate told me bluntly that Joel had better start looking for a new line of work.
This is not to say that all NRL players are scum. Some guys like Nathan Hindmarsh, Brett Kimmorley, Ben Hannant, Jarryd Hayne and Hazem El Masri treated the game and themselves with respect. But for guys like Joel Monaghan who think it's funny to do what he did and other acts of idiocy, it's time you guys took a long hard look at yourselves and what you've done and ask yourselves if it's worth it. Would you rather be remembered as a great player who treated the game with respect, or as a great player but an even greater dick head?
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