Drama all around

Well, what do we have here? Not one but two recent news stories that are going to get the ol' Bernd treatment! I just posted a blog a couple of days ago after a bit of a break and here I am about to post my second one in the same week. Seems like I'm making up for lost time here.
Anyway, we have two stories. One is on the comedic side, the other one, not so much. Let's take a closer look.

Our first story looks at an incident in Michigan, USA, where a resident dialled 911 after hearing a female neighbour shout 'stop! no!' at what was presumably an attacker and some loud noises in between. Police arrived at the scene only to find out that the woman was simply scolding her boyfriend because he would not stop farting. That's right, farting!

AAAAHHHH!!!! A FART!!!!!!

Well, clearly this a big misunderstanding (and an embarrassing one at that) but I have to ask, is the mere act of breaking wind worth getting bent out of shape over? I mean, if that woman's shouts were enough to be mistaken for those of an assault victim then surely she must have really spazzed out on her boyfriend. All because he wouldn't stop farting.
I think she should be properly ashamed of herself. It is natural for human beings to break wind and factors such as weight, health and the food one eats can affect the number of times they have an episode. For her to kick up a racket over something so insignificant is just plain nuts. She could have just simply told him to quit it, she could have told him to go for a walk outside until his digestive system is done expelling air out of his rear end or heck, if it was too cold outside, just told him to sit by an open window until he's done making music. But to kick up a fuss and prompt a 911 call? Wow, talk about melodramatic! It's almost as if she has never farted in her life, let alone been with someone who has.

Well, the woman admitted to police the truth and I'm assuming they left the scene - giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls all the way. Seriously, whoever this woman is, please save the histrionics for a situation that calls for it. You don't want to be the woman who cried wolf, do you? Or in this case, the woman who screamed 'OH MY GOD, STOOOOOOOP!!!!!' over something as trivial as farting.

Ok, onto our next story. According to leaked text messages that were made public, rapper 50 Cent (real name Curtis Jackson) has just disinherited his 16-year old son, Marquise.
Some time earlier this year, Jackson visited Marquise at his home but the boy failed to open the front door. Jackson then texted his son and told him that he was waiting outside, only for Marquise to accuse him of lying. What followed was a heated back-and-fourth text message exchange between father and son, with Jackson calling his son names such as 's**thead', 'mother***er' and 'f***ing stupid'. He also implied at one point that Marquise may not even be his biological son since Marquise's mother, his ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tomkins, was not totally faithful to him during their relationship and then finally told him 'I don't have a son anymore. Tell your mother she won. I will have nothing to do with you. Don't text me ever again. Delete my number!'
Marquise seemingly kept calm throughout the exchange and at times tried to placate his father, though he did accuse him of not making the effort to visit him enough, never calling him and missing out on birthdays and Christmases.
When I first heard about this story, the first thought that came to mind was 'this is probably fake'. However, Jackson verified the incident on his twitter but then stated that 'Marquise' was actually the Shaniqua pretending to be his son. Despite this, he also stated that he has re-written his will and that his fortune would go to charity.

50 Cent and his son during happier times

 Now that we know it's true I'm just going to say, shame on you, Mr. Jackson. No child deserves that kind of treatment from their parent, ever. And if that really was your ex on the other end of the line pretending to be your kid then why didn't you call her out on it sooner? Why wasn't there a 'yeah, good one girl, I know it's you!' or a similar line during that exchange and why did you still go ahead and exclude your kid out of your will? I know that you've had a long history of getting into verbal wars with other rappers, former business friends, ex-girlfriends etc but I never thought you would turn your wrath on your own son.
I sincerely hope that you both sort out your differences. No parent-child relationship should descend into this.

Well, that's all for now. On the one hand, we had unnecessary drama that wasted everyone's time, then on the other we had some family drama that unfortunately had to be leaked out to the press. Hopefully the affected parties in both stories come through to the other side in one piece.

Who's hungry for some roasted pigs?

Greetings, readers! Big Bad Bernd is having a barbecue here and today's special is two whole roasted pigs.
Ok, lame jokes aside, yours truly hasn't blogged lately but lo and behold, the gods rewarded me with a couple of news stories that have compelled me to jump straight to the computer and type out another long rant that I like to pass off as blogs.
Both stories feature a couple of blokes - one a rich geezer with a penchant for assaulting his soon-to-be ex-wife and the other a radio sports reporter whose loose lips landed him in hot water following the Wimbledon women's final.

Earlier today, I read a story in the newspaper that British multi-millionaire Charles Saatchi announced to the press that he had made the decision to divorce his wife, celebrity chef Nigella Lawson. The announcement came just four weeks after he made headlines for photographs that showed him having a squabble with his wife at a London restaurant, during which he grabbed her throat several times and even pinched her nose. Lawson would eventually leave the restaurant in tears and after Saatchi received a police caution for assault, Lawson packed her bags and left their home.
Saatchi initially dismissed the allegations against him, calling their argument nothing more than a 'playful tiff' and insisting that he did not apply any pressure on her neck when he grabbed her.

Yet her face clearly looked distressed and she ran off crying. I guess that's why he changed his story admitted that they had been arguing after all.

Want to know the best part? His reason for filing for divorce was that Lawson failed to defend him against the backlash for his actions and that his move was heartbreaking but necessary. To add further insult to injury, Lawson, like the rest of us, heard about his decision via the newspapers.



'Playful tiff' indeed!

After I had finished reading this story while sitting on the train, I literally slammed the paper onto my lap and mouthed the words 'What the *BLEEEEP*!!???' to myself while shaking my head. Luckily, my fellow commuters didn't notice. It's bad enough that this guy assaulted his wife and made her cry in public, but to then hit her with divorce THROUGH THE MEDIA rather than manning up and confessing to her, and on the grounds that she didn't defend his boorish actions? Wow, what a whiney, self-righteous, extremely arrogant old pig. And a cowardly one at that. I guess all the money in the world can't always buy manners, class, integrity and courage. Well Chuck, if a divorce is what you want, good luck with it, buddy. Because you'll be hard-pressed to find anyone outside of your immediate family who will be on your side and I would not at all be surprised if your lawyer secretly wishes they can beat you across the head for what you've done. Face it, Chuck. A lot of people out there would love to show you what a 'playful tiff' feels like!

Ok, onto idiot number two. This year, French tennis player Marion Bartoli won the Wimbledon women's final. After winning, she gave her father and former coach a hug. John Inverdale, a reporter on BBC radio 5 Live who was covering the event, uttered this memorable piece of commentary to his listeners: 'Do you think Bartoli's dad told her when she was little, 'you're never going to be a looker, you'll never be a Sharapova so you have to be scrappy and fight'?'
Naturally, he and his network were condemned for the stupid remark and the BBC was forced to issue an apology. To her credit, Bartoli shook off the controversy, stating, 'it doesn't matter. Honestly. I am not blonde. That is a fact. Have I dreamt about having a model contract? No, I'm sorry. But have I dreamt about winning Wimbledon? Absolutely. And to share this moment with my dad was amazing.'

A real 'looker', isn't he?

First of all, congratulations to Bartoli for realising her dream and much respect to her for taking that tacky remark on the chin. It is also refreshing to see a tennis player (or should I say athlete) who cares more about honing their craft in their chosen sport and winning the top prize rather than how many modelling contracts, sponsors and twitter followers they can get. That's about as honest and professional as you can get.
It should also be noted that Bartoli has an IQ of 175. I'd imagine that Inverdale's is at least 100 points below that.
As for Inverdale, you are a complete moron and I hope you have learned that there are some things that are best left unsaid, no matter how witty you think they are. As a guy working in the media, you must learn to think before you speak. And for someone who has no problem implying that someone is ugly, you sure made yourself look like a hypocrite.
I'd run and hide if I were you - I am pretty sure that there are many women out there wearing fancy shoes with the intent of driving the sharp heels into the part of the male anatomy that is sacred to guys - if not your head.

And that brings us to the end of this blog. Hopefully these two guys can get past their respective blunders and move on and that the women at the wrong end of said blunders can put it behind them and go on to bigger and better things. Until next time, Bernd wishes you readers nothing but the best. Peace out!