Lucky Man

Kyle Sandilands is a lucky man.

Sure, most of Australia thinks he's a major-league moron and chauvinist and he has courted plenty of controversy during his TV and radio career, but I consider him to be a lucky man indeed.

Following a recent act of total foolishness late last year in which he hurled derogatory and sexist comments towards a female journalist who criticised his new TV show (or should I say TV train wreck), he was found guilty of seriously breaching decency codes. His radio station, 2DayFM will now be slapped with new licence conditions as implemented by the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA), in which any offensive language, particularly those directed towards women (Kyle's most frequent victims) will be regulated and any further offenses committed by Sandilands can lead to fines and even a termination of 2DayFM's licence.

Ok, now to address the reason why I think Kyle is a lucky man. He's lucky because, despite the fact that he's said and done numerous revolting things while on the air he still has his job. Most of the things he did seriously breached decency codes, most likely breached terms of his employment and he's still allowed to park his ever-widening backside behind a microphone every morning. Oh yeah, and he's the co-host of a breakfast radio show, people. There are likely to be some children who can hear the things he says while listening to the car radio on the way to school. To make matters worse, 2DayFM has already cost its network Austereo millions of dollars' worth of sponsors and, despite still being the top-rated show in New South Wales, is rapidly losing listeners, all thanks to the actions of this moron.

With most other employees in a different field of work, I'm pretty sure that continually making mistakes that breach codes of practice is grounds for dismissal and if you're lucky, you might get a second chance but that's it. But Kyle has made so many gaffes and offended so many people I've lost count. Seriously, haven't any of his bosses heard of the saying, 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me'? Well guys, I'm not pressuring you all to give Kyle the old heave-ho right away but it seems that he has fooled you all more times than I can count on one hand.

And even if you look beyond the on-air controversies, Kyle's work ethic is nothing short of abysmal. It's one thing to 'chuck a sickie'. But if you tell your bosses that you're too ill to come to work, don't get caught club-hopping on the SAME NIGHT that you called in sick!!! Oh yeah, and he's 'accidentally' done that more than once. It also doesn't help that he often calls in sick mere minutes before he's due to go on air. Also, please bear in mind that excessive sick leaves arouses people's suspicions, Kyle. I know he suffers from multiple health problems (he's overweight, smokes too much and has a poor diet) but even so, if you call in sick too many times people will start to wonder if you're faking it, especially after you are caught gallivanting around rather than recovering.

Oh yeah, he's also taken vacations without notifying his bosses and his co-host Jackie O, who has in the past expressed irritation over his lax work habits. Yup, sounds like a candidate for employee of the year. No wonder you guys are keeping him around!

Kyle Sandilands, I hope you know how lucky you are. Seriously, in any other field of work, or perhaps in any other radio station, if you've committed the kind of mistakes you made numerous times and displayed the same type of lackadaisical work ethic you would have been out of a job a long time ago.

At the same time, I hope the new conditions that ACMA are planning to impose on your station will convince you to grow up and think before you speak. You got away with it again now but mate, in the future, you might not be so lucky.

Pick your poison

Warning: This piece contains strong opinions, brutal honesty and occasional acts of harshness. You have been warned but please bear in mind that I don't mean to deliberately offend anyone.

Well, it had to happen eventually. Four years after Big Brother Australia was canned following eight, mostly controversial seasons the show is making a comeback. Former 'Dancing With The Stars' co-host Sonia Kruger will be the new host and once again the house will be based in Dreamworld in the Gold Coast in Queensland. The show has moved from the Ten Network and into the Nine Network. I guess that means we will soon be hearing about the shenanigans that goes on in that big house full of bored, mostly young people. If past seasons are anything to go by, this should be fun - and controversial no doubt.

Meanwhile, according to the Daily Telegraph this week the Ten network are already planning a Jersey Shore-type show to be based in Sydney's Sutherland Shire. Titled The Shire, it will follow a young girl who had gone to Los Angeles to seek fame and fortune, only to end up coming home nursing a broken heart and shattered dreams. She will be accompanied by some 'secondary characters' in this show, most of whom will be her family and friends but also some 'locals' that can represent the area well and give viewers what they want (eg. Bartenders, surfer guys, bikini girls, tradies with tattoos etc).

From what I can gather from the 'plot' this show sounds like Jersey Shore with a bit of Gossip Girl and The OC thrown in. And I don't know about being 'jilted' but that whole 'young starlet unsuccessfully trying her luck in Hollywood' thing sounds like former Big Brother housemate and former Zoo Weekly model Krystal Forscutt's ill-fated trip to Los Angeles a few years ago. Maybe she will play the main character in this show.

Well, what can I say? Fans of trashy TV are going to do cartwheels and editors of Zoo Weekly are going to jump up and down with joy. I don't mean to sound like a judgemental prick but let's face it, no matter how hard you try to market these shows as harmless fun they end up getting dragged into the gutter thanks to the antics of their 'stars'. And before you call me a jerk who needs to get off his high horse, I will admit now that I do like to watch these types of shows every now and then. I enjoy a good laugh and watching people make fools of themselves all for the sake of earning their 15 minutes of fame is quite amusing, so long as it's in small doses.

Big Brother was originally intended to cram several 'everyday people' together and see how they would interract under the watchful eye of 'Big Brother', but as the seasons went by the show became more controversial thanks to some crazy antics in the house, mainly of the sexual kind. Well, what can you expect from a house full of bored people, many of whom are young and sexy? But that didn't stop the fans, and as the years and seasons went by the average contestant didn't just get younger, they became more provocative and extroverted and you had to wonder if they had any shame at all. Or in the case of other contestants, if they've ever seen the inside of a padded room.

I still remember that final season in 2008. The show was in serious trouble, following years of controversies and there were calls for it to be axed. However, new hosts Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O thought they could revive it by casting a bunch of 'interesting people' for that series. They casted, among others, two contestants who were aged over 50, a man with a high-pitched voice and a bellydancing little person. Alas, the show was a spectacular failure and was mercifully cancelled by channel 10.

Now onto The Shire. Production has yet to begin on this show and already it is causing controversy, so much so that the people of the Sutherland Shire are divided on the matter. On the one hand, Channel 10's Head of Programming David Mott has claimed that the show will be prime time-friendly and should be tame enough to warrant a PG rating.

But Shire Mayor Carol Provan and many locals are totally against the series, fearing that it would portray the area in a negative light. A local girl who was interviewed by the Daily Telegraph pointed out that the area was still recovering from the negativity brought on by the 2005 Cronulla Riots and they didn't need something like this. Another local girl also recalled how her friend was approached via Facebook and asked if she and a few 'good-looking' friends would like to join.

Ok, I've dissected these shows enough. Perhaps it's now time for me to address the people who enjoy gawdy reality shows like this and advise them on which of the two is worth watching. Help them 'pick their poison', so to speak. On the one hand, you have a bunch of people locked up in a house for a few months. Eventually, someone is going to talk about their sex life or make a few stupid remarks, another person will act like a tool just for the sake of it and before you know it, all hell breaks loose. People seemingly try to out-moron and/or out-skank each other and the critics start wondering how such a show was allowed back on the screens in the first place.

On the other hand, you have a show that will follow a central character and help to promote the area she lives in and show how her peers live. Sounds harmless enough (well, it's supposed to be harmless), but once again it only takes one person's misconduct to throw the show off the rails. Not to sound judgemental and prudish, but seeing as how local bars will be featured and a majority of the cast will be 'young and attractive', you can expect a few drunken hijinks to occur here, as well as people trying desparately hard to become 'celebrities' and resorting to behaving like animals. I can see all the critics venting their spleens already. No wonder many locals declined the chance to appear on this show.

Me personally, I'd say if you're looking for the lesser of two evils, go with The Shire. Big Brother has already proved to be a train wreck and unless they somehow recruit a bunch of contestants who can keep it classy, you're pretty much going to see the same things you did in past seasons. So why not try something new? Yes, I know that there's a chance that this could turn into another Jersey Shore but what if the honchos at Channel 10 stay true to their word and it turns out to be pretty darn good? It's also to remember that these types of shows, for all the controversy they attract, still have their supporters. Whenever Big Brother is brought up it gets nothing but bad press. Also, people can talk all they want about the people on Jersey Shore and other similar shows but at least they aren't vilified as badly as Big Brother contestants and well, let's face it, people are still talking about the likes of Snooki, The Situation and J-Woww. When was the last time you heard someone talking about the last three people to win Big Brother? Heck, who even remembers their names?

Never take a good woman (or man) for granted

I was on Facebook recently and a friend of mine posted on her wall, 'never take a good woman for granted. It'll end up being your biggest regret.'

This one got me thinking, 'why do some guys and girls who have great girlfriends or boyfriends throw all that away just for some cheap thrill?' Call me old-fashioned but that just doesn't make sense to me. You chose that person because you love them, feel comfortable around them and feel that 'they are the one' (though that part doesn't always end up being the case) and most of all, they love you for who you are. So why throw them into the gutter, huh?

A guy who has the perfect girlfriend or wife should consider himself the luckiest guy in the world. Lord knows he'd be the envy of his friends and most other guys in general. It baffles me to no end when some of them (I said 'some of them', not 'all of them') decide to abandon her to chase someone else for a meaningless affair and leave their girl heartbroken and wondering why he chose her in the first place. Is it even a fair trade? Fine, you found someone who you think is much hotter and much more exciting than your girl and you 'live a little' so to speak, but most of the time that other woman won't compare when it comes to providing you with love and emotional support. And there's a chance that she just might be into you because of something you've got rather than who you are as a person. All that 'living dangerously' crap gets old very quickly and once that affair is over (let's face it, they never last most of the time), then what do you have left? Chances are your girl would have moved on to someone who will appreciate her more than you ever did and your friends and family will think that you're an idiot who had it all and gave it all away.

Newsflash boys, some of you may think that the idea of cheating on your missus is cool, but deep down people look at you with pity and/or contempt, rather than admiration. Any girl who has self-respect would certainly think so, and when the time comes that you feel like you want to settle down for real, good luck trying to find someone who will take you!

Which brings us to girls. It makes me laugh whenever I hear girls whining about how there are no more 'decent men' left on this world yet they continue going for 'bad boys'. Well what the hell did you expect, ladies? They don't call them 'bad' boys for nothing! Although some of them can be tamed over time, most of them almost inevitably break your heart and don't often look to settle down.

The sad part is, some of these girls have been approached by, or are in relationships with 'nice guys' but end up rejecting or leaving them because they are deemed 'too boring'. Well that's their decision but girls, would you rather be stuck with a 'boring' guy who treats you well and respects you or would you rather go for that other guy who looks tough and mean but has no qualms about breaking your heart and treating you like trash?

I would've thought that these girls would be happy to be with a guy who loves them, takes care of them and makes them laugh. I mean, I keep hearing girls going on about how as long as he is a good guy and can make her laugh then that's all she needs. Apparently for some they'd rather that he was a complete jerk who takes her for granted just so that they can have something to whine about to their friends. It's sad, really.

Another sad thing is that once these girls realise that they want that decent guy, it's too late. To most guys, they'll be seen as tramps who have no self-respect and wouldn't be worth their time. Sounds harsh, I know, but that's just the way it is.

Well, it's not my place to judge people on their taste in partners, but I'm just telling it like it is, as usual. If you want to be with someone who treats you well, then go for it. If you want to carry on some tryst with someone, meaningless as it is and at the expense of an innocent person's feelings, then that's also your choice. If you want to chase someone who makes you feel bad but makes you feel like you're living, then again, it's your choice. Whatever your choice, it wouldn't be fair to take a good man or woman for granted. If you feel that your current relationship isn't working out well, do the honest, decent thing and tell them that you want to break up. It won't be easy, and it could get messy, but at least you won't look like a jerk and a coward.

Oh Puh-lease!!!!!

As I was reading the paper this morning I ran into one of those advertisements for some 'miracle drug' that promises to get you into the best shape of your life. I normally bypass these ads without giving them a second thought but this particular one got my attention.
Why? Because they fervently preached that their product does work and that working out to lose weight is futile.

I swear, I nearly choked on my own spit reading that gibberish. I know this is going to sound cruel but if you're working out hard and still not getting favourable results, then maybe it's because you're not doing it right (note how I said 'maybe' because I understrand that there are people out there who have deficiencies that may cause them to put on weight easily and, conversely, others who naturally experience difficulty losing weight). Whether it is improper form during training, impatience, lack of ambition or lacking the DISCIPLINE needed to train AND watch what you eat, you can't expect a quick fix when it comes to weight loss. Sure, there are some products and drugs out there that claim to be able to get you there faster, but as far as I'm concerned, nothing beats the old-school method. Besides, who's to say that clever advertising isn't just conning people as they usually do into wasting their hard-earned cash on products that don't even work?

This ad even provided some arguments against diet and exercise from 'professionals'. Apparently, sleep helps you lose weight faster and working out makes you hungry. Well, sleep is an important part of losing weight. It's the process in which your body repairs itself and therefore, it is an important PART of your training. Did these people ever stop to note that your body repairs itself better during sleep when it is strong, fit and healthy? Yeah, bet you guys didn't see that!
As for that other argument, have these people ever heard of the fact that the more you work out the more you're SUPPPOSED to eat? The body would need nutrients to recover from a rigorous session and to maintain a strong metabolism and so you've got to feed it often - hence why serious gym junkies eat four to six small meals a day. A person just needs the self-discipline and will-power to make healthy choices and not splurge so much on junk. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out!
Oh yeah, and you are allowed to splurge once in a while, but only if you keep it at that - just every once in a while. In fact, any nutritionist or trainer will tell you that 'cheat days' are good for your sanity!

Finally, after all these arguments the ad outlines how the product works. I'm not going to go into it, but let's just say that it absorbs fat and cholesterol, it SUPPRESSES your appetite and makes weight-loss so easy that you won't have to change your diet and lifestyle. I'm sorry, but I'm not falling for that tosh. No disrespect, but that to me sounds like encouraging laziness and suppressing your natural appetite? Really!!!??? So this 'miracle' has the power to stunt your body's natural urges??? WOW!!!!! Way to rob people of their natural will-power, guys! I know I'd rather keep things natural, keep my powers of discipline sharp and stand proud and claim that I got myself into shape ON MY OWN rather than become a drug-dependant fool who panics when they don't get their dosage.

But hey, like I said this is just my opinion. To anyone out there who is seriously considering, or currently using this product, well that's your decision and you're entitled to it. But me myself, I'd rather stick to the good, old, tried-and-tested method of eating right and working out. There's no reason for me to mess with a winning formula.