He who puts down the razor gets the power

Street Fighter's Zangief

As a kid, I was a massive fan of the Street Fighter video game series. The character I used often changed depending on my mood but as a kid who dreamed that he would one day change his pudgy body into an athletic, muscular one in adulthood, the character of Zangief always impressed me. Mind you, I didn't use him very often - his special moves were complicated to pull-off, he was slow as molasses and he didn't have any projectile-based attacks - but his appearance was incredible. He was tall, had a physique that would make Schwarzenegger nervous and his mean face was covered with a full beard and topped with a mohawk haircut. He pretty much resembled a taller, angrier, whiter version of Mr. T, minus the gold chains.

In short, the dude looked like a total badass. The type who could reduce you to a quivering mess just by glowering at you.

But I wonder.....would his tough-guy appearance be seriously hampered if he didn't have the beard? Sure, he'd still have the tricky but deadly wrestling moves, the tank-like physique, the mohawk, the attitude and all, but would a clean-shaven face make all that seem hollow?
And what about other bearded hard men past and present like Mr. T, Kimbo Slice, Ned Kelly, Russell Crowe, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bill Goldberg? Would their masculinity be diminished if they had a more clean-shaven appearance?

Anyway, according to a scientific study conducted by the University of New South Wales' Ecology Research Centre, beards are a man's way of displaying his age, dominance, power, aggression and masculinity over his peers, even though studies have shown that women, while they recognise the beard's purpose of highlighting a man's masculinity, prefer facial stubble over a full beard.
In short, men use beards to impress and perhaps threaten other men rather than to attract women.

'I pity the fool who picks up his razor, I DO!!!'

Well, I certainly can believe that. How else do you explain the sudden emergence of beards in most male celebrities? Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, Brad Pitt, Shia LaBeouf and Ryan Reynolds are just a few who have recently sported beards, and fictional characters such as Rubeus Hagrid from the Harry Potter series, Gandalf the wizard in Lord Of The Rings have full beards to signify their gigantic size and their age and wisdom, respectively.
Heck, 'stereotypes' that signify masculinity and aggression such as biker gang members, circus strongmen, lumberjacks and wrestlers often have full beards to enhance their strength, power and aggression and this is reflected in their often gruff personalities.

And let's not forget that 'Movember' was created in order for men to grow their beards and encourage them to raise awareness of prostate cancer and other male-related illnesses. It doesn't get much manlier than that.

So bottom line is, the more hair on your face you have, the more masculine and intimidating you will appear to both men and women. Sure, your missus will probably pester you non-stop to grab a razor and get rid of that monstrosity, but she will also grudgingly admit that it makes you look tougher, stronger and more aggressive than you really are - but that it makes you look like a hobo.

Harry Potter's Rubeus Hagrid

As for me, I won't be growing a beard any time soon. First of all, the idea of having a big bush on my face sounds pretty itchy and high maintenance (I don't quite fancy the idea of having food and drink stuck on my facial hair).
Secondly, I have been told by my nearest and dearest that even with facial stubble, I look like a criminal. I'm pretty sure that with a beard I'd look like an assassin - or a pirate. Either way, I'd look like someone on the wrong side of the law. Sure, it would be nice to have that element of danger and mystery about me, but Bernd, for all his grumpiness, is a good guy!
And finally, when I am clean-shaven I've been told that I look remarkably young for my age - and that shallow reason alone is enough to keep it clean as a whistle!