Needless death

As incarcerated rapper Big Lurch once rapped in his song I did it to you, 'There are a million ways to die, a million ways to kill.' Sure, it's a horrible statement, but it's true. Some people die due to old age, health issues, disease, accidents and even their own stupidity. In other words, you can go at any time.

This certainly occurred to me when I read that celebrated plastic surgeon to the stars Dr. Frank Ryan was killed in a car accident. It's a pretty common way to die these days, but what struck me most was that he was tweeting on his cell phone whilst behind the wheel, resulting in his car veering off the highway and plummeting down a cliff. Dr. Ryan was killed but his dog, who was riding with him survived despite suffering injuries to her head and paw. He was only 50 years old.

Naturally, his celebrity clients were devastated by the news. And who could blame them? They now have to find someone new to further manipulate their body image and self-esteem. But none was more saddened by this tragedy than Dr. Ryan's most infamous client, former The Hills starlet Heidi Montag, who called him 'The most brilliant, talented surgeon who will ever exist' and that she sympathised with 'Anyone who was blessed enough to meet him.' I can understand why she's upset. It takes a real trooper to be able to keep a straight face and a strong stomach in granting a silly girl her wish of undergoing ten full-body procedures in one day, which she did last November. Ok, enough about Heidi, that's for another blog, the real issue at hand here is how some people out there are at risk of dying in the same needless manner that this man did.

There are different types of drivers that drive me up the wall while I'm on the road. People who speed for no reason, extremely slow drivers, drivers who don't indicate when turning, drivers take up two lanes, drivers who can't park etc. Shortcomings behind the wheel aside, I really do not understand people who feel the need to use their phones while driving. When I was still a learner driver, my instructor always told me 'driving time is concentration time'. Thefore, you shouldn't be doing anything else while driving. Ok, I'll admit I've broken this rule a few times. I tend to change radio stations, chat with my passengers and I have been guilty of answering my phone. But you want to know what happened most of the time when I tried multitasking? I nearly hit a car in front of me, I nearly ran a red light and I almost caused a pile-up in a roundabout. I'm not going to lie, I still change radio stations once in a while, but I no longer use my phone. If someone gives me a call or if I need to make one, I pull over onto the side of the road and get my business done. Otherwise, I save it until I park somewhere, even if it means that I miss the call.

If Dr. Ryan just had the common sense to pull over before posting his thoughts on Twitter, perhaps he would still be performing another procedure on another insecure celebrity. Don't get me wrong, any person's death is a tragedy, but when I read the manner in which this guy died, the first thing I thought to myself was 'what an idiot'. Even if he couldn't pull over onto the side of the road, then why couldn't he just wait until he got home before posting? Common sense, people! You don't see a lot of it going around these days and it's pretty scary how some people get behind the wheel without it. Makes you wonder how these clowns got their licence in the first place.

Another pet peeve I have are women who put on their make up while driving. I'd say that this is probably more dangerous than using your phone behind the wheel. How is it even possible to apply your make up, watch the road and control your car all at once? You might as well be a college student studying for an exam while trying to cook your dinner and juggle chainsaws at the same time. These women should have got all made up before leaving the house, even if it means they might be late for work or a party of some sort. Wouldn't it be better to be late than get killed in a car wreck? Using the rear-view mirror to look at your face would be a hassle anyway, since you'd have to keep moving it up, down, left and right. As far as I'm concerned, the rear-view mirror should only be used for one purpose, which is to look at what's coming behind you.

What happened to Dr. Ryan should serve as a cautionary tale. Driving should only be about driving, period. It's not a time to call a friend, it's not a time to check your facebook or post on Twitter, and it certainly isn't a time to put your make up on. It's about operating a moving vehicle that can potentially get you fined or worse. I'm sure the last thing you'd want is a photo of you in the morning paper's obituary pages with an accompanying statement detailing how you perished in a car wreck simply because you decided to update your Facebook or Twitter.

My Name is... WHAT!!!????

You know, when I was young, people could tell you what their name was without illiciting some kind of giggle from you. Apparently, those days are slowly dying. According to a report from the UK, baby names have taken a weird turn since the year 2000. Want to know what some of these weird names are? Well, 'Shy', 'Bean', 'Armani', 'Zowie', 'Porsche' and 'Ice' are among those in the top 20. It does make you wonder ... why would parents do such a thing to their children?

The study suggests that these names were inspired by their parents' idols, beliefs and hobbies. Hence, a name like 'Rooney' would have been inspired by footballer Wayne Rooney (Or the band Rooney), 'Cobain' and 'Bowie' were inspired by the musicians (Here's the part where you ask yourself 'what's wrong with Kurt or David?'), 'Armani' and 'Diesel' were inspired by the designer labels and 'Ice' might refer to that trip the parents took to Antarctica. Or the drug they were addicted to during their rock and roll years. As for 'Gift', 'Echo' or 'Stone'...well I don't know. Who knew there was a way to take your admiration for someone, as well as your own kookiness to another level.

If you ask me, giving your child such names is borderline child abuse. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that weird names sets them up for a lifetime of scorn and ridicule, particularly in the school yard. Can you imagine roll call before class starts? 'James' ... 'Here!' ... 'Sarah' ... 'Here!' ... 'Porsche' ... 'Uh, here' ... and that's when fellow students, and possibly the teacher, try their best to stifle their laughter while poor little Porsche buries his (or her) face in their hands and pray that they'd disappear. But who knows? Perhaps in the near future, there will be an entire classroom made up of kids with weird names. Therefore, the roll call might sound like this; 'Bean' ... 'Here!' ... 'Gift' ... 'Here!' ... 'Cute' ... 'Here!' and so on and so on.
And if school wasn't bad enough, can you imagine these kids growing up and trying to look for a job? They can have all the qualifications in the world and come into the interview brimming with confidence, but there's nothing more deflating than sitting there and watching the interviewer laugh at the mere sight of your name. And imagine being the subject of ridicule at work because of your name. You can't be someone's boss if you don't have a name that commands respect.

Quite frankly, the only motive I can find for parents doing this to their children is that they fancy themselves as celebrities. We all know the types of names they give their children. Hello, Pilot Inspektor, son of Jason Lee. G'day, Zuma, son of Gwen Stefani. Hi, Apple, daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow. Howdy, Moon Unit and Dweezil, children of the late Frank Zappa. I could go on, but you get the picture. Let's face it. There are a lot of people out there who try to go out of their way to live like celebrities, and if giving their children unusual names is another part of that lifestyle, then so be it. After all, walking around with fake designer labels does get kind of tired.

And so to all you new parents out there, I don't care about how much you like the sound of a certain word, I don't care how much you admire a certain celebrity and I certainly don't care about the place your child was conceived, but please give your children decent names. It wouldn't be fair to them to have to walk around with names that will subject them to ridicule for the rest of their lives. I know that pregnancy can be tough, and giving birth is even tougher, but imposing a lifelong punishment on your child for 9 or so months of pain and discomfort is pretty harsh. And if you really have a dying urge to give something a stupid name, why not buy a pet? Preferably a racehorse. After all, it's better to see a horse prancing around with a name like 'Makybe Diva' rather than a schoolkid sobbing on a park bench because of it.